exactly what had plagued me through the night. Despite my efforts to redirect them, my thoughts had returned to Braelyn, to how I’d treated her.
I hadn’t seen her since I walked out after our confrontation at dinner. Admittedly, I’d been angry, an emotion I didn’t have much use for. As a rule, I kept my emotions in check, avoided relationships that would stir me up. With my possessions, I didn’t have to run the gamut of feelings. I owned them, and treating them as possessions ensured we all maintained our places, never crossing the line. When they fucked up, earned punishment of some sort, I could dole it out without worry that I would overstep. They didn’t anger me, they didn’t disappoint. They simply fucked up.
I couldn’t maintain that aloofness with Braelyn.
My reactions to her seemed to be steeped in emotions, and while it perplexed me, I couldn’t say I was shocked. After all, I’d spent a year dealing with a strange fascination I had for a woman I’d only seen once.
Last night, because of the things Tiegan had said, I’d already been on the defensive when I sat down to dinner. And in my attempt to prove a point to her, and maybe to myself as well, I had only confused the issue in my head, seeing Braelyn as my enemy when she’d done nothing to imply she disapproved of my lifestyle. In fact, she’d seemed rather tolerant in her attempt to learn.
After I’d had Auberon and Ari come in, perform for her in an effort to show her how willing to please me they were, I’d given some thought to her questions about being owned. Truth was, I’d never considered what it would mean to find someone I didn’t want to own like that. And as much as I wanted to deny that wasn’t the case, with Braelyn, it was true. She was the first person to come into my life and wreak havoc with very little effort. She rattled me, drew out emotions I purposely ignored.
Did I want to own her?
Also-fucking-lutely.
Body and soul.
But I didn’t want to strip her of choices, didn’t want to make decisions for her. I didn’t want to bark commands at her or watch her parade around naked. I liked that we could converse, that she felt comfortable with me. I wanted to explore things with her, to see the world through her eyes. There was an innocence about her I’d been blinded to because of my lifestyle. But she was open-minded, and I wanted to see where that took us.
I couldn’t do that if I pushed her away. Especially when the only thing I found I wanted was to keep her close.
I joined Braelyn in Ransom’s small kitchen, where she had a death grip on a mug of coffee she clearly wasn’t drinking. Her eyes were pinned on me, unnamed emotions swirling in the beautiful amber color.
Neither of us said anything as I approached. I couldn’t seem to gather my thoughts, although I had a purpose for being here. I’d scoured the entire house looking for her, only to learn she’d slipped out early. According to Sim’s notes and his mysterious disappearance, I had learned that she’d come to see her brother. I shouldn’t have been surprised. She’d likely needed someone to talk to, and admittedly, it pained me that she didn’t feel safe enough to come to me to hash this out.
Braelyn’s eyes widened as I neared, her head tilting back.
As was my true nature, I didn’t ask permission when I curled my hand around her wrist, drew her to her feet, never looking away from her. She stood, the pulse in her neck beating faster.
Cupping her face, I leaned in. “I’m sorry.”
Yes. Perhaps the first time in my existence when I had apologized to anyone with such genuineness. More importantly, the first time in my life when I felt it was warranted.
I willed her to see my sincerity, to hear it in my voice when I continued. “You didn’t deserve that last night. I was … defensive.”
She swallowed hard, nodded.
“Forgive me, Braelyn.” I leaned in so my lips hovered over hers, lowered my voice. “I need you to forgive me.”
Her hands curled around my biceps, gripping tightly as she nodded, a sheen of tears in her eyes.
I found her lack of response ratcheted up something that felt a hell of a lot like fear.
“What I said, what I did… You deserve better,” I rambled.
“I don’t know what I did,” she