that bad,” she tells me.
“It is so,” Herbert mouths at me.
I giggle and shake my head. I thought people like this only existed on TV. Martha asks me about my travel plans, and I wish I'd lied when I see how horrified she is at the idea of a girl alone in big bad New York City.
“It's fine, really,” I say. “I've been there before, lots of times. I know my way around. And it's a lot safer than it seems like it is on Law & Order.”
“Now dear,” Martha says firmly. “I'm not being sexist, but I think you need a big strong man with you. Just in case.”
“That is sexist,” Herbert says. Martha gives him another smack.
“Well, you certainly wouldn't do,” she tells him.
My Cheerios arrive, and Martha and Herbert sit and keep me company as I eat it, both of them blissfully unaware of the other passengers waiting for tables. I try to think of a tactful way to mention it, and realize I don't want to. I'm enjoying talking to them. They're funny and kind of insane and I feel like I'm in some fantasy version of grandparentland. My grandmother lives in Naples, Florida, and sends me taffy and a hot pink tank top every year for my birthday. And that is the extent of our relationship. Martha and Herbert are poster grandparents.
Martha is smacking Herbert for the third time in twenty minutes—poor guy must have a permanent bruise—when Jess stops by the table.
“Hey,” he says. “I see you went with cereal. Good choice.”
Martha sizes him up instantly. “Oh, I see you do have a strong young man just in case. I'm so relieved.”
I'm not. My ears turn bright red. “Jess isn't…” I begin.
“And he knows well enough to order cereal,” Martha tells Herbert pointedly. “I see some men have common sense.”
“Oh, I didn't order the cereal,” Jess says. “I ordered eggs. I should have ordered cereal, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.”
Herbert bursts out laughing and reaches across the table to shake Jess's hand. “Good to meet a kindred spirit.”
Jess grins and shakes firmly. “Yes indeed. We should probably clear on out, though,” he says, and nods over his shoulder at the crowd of people waiting for tables.
“Oh, my goodness,” Martha says, flustered. “I didn't even realize. How selfish of us!” She gathers up her purse and sweater, and I down the rest of my lukewarm coffee guiltily. I knew I should have said something.
Jess urges us out of the dining car hurriedly, and I have to insist that he stop pushing at me to give me a chance to pay.
“Just leave some money on the table,” he says, pulling at my arm.
I tug it back. “What is your deal? Give me a couple of seconds, would you?”
“Jess, I thought you had to—oh!” a voice behind me stops, surprised. I turn around to see a girl with long dark hair—perfectly blow-dried, and how she managed it I have no idea—and miraculously unwrinkled clothing standing next to Jess. She eyes me from head to toe (which I guess I kind of had coming, given how I just did that, but I'm much less presentable so she could have been polite and laid off). “You must be Bee,” she says. “What a romantic trip the two of you are taking—to New York for a first anniversary? How sweet!”
Only she doesn't sound like she thinks it's sweet. She sounds like she swallowed a bug. And…what?
“You told her we're—” I start.
“I know we weren't going to tell anybody about our plans, honey,” Jess interrupts, putting his arm around my waist. “But I'm just so excited, I couldn't help myself. Nice to meet you, Tessa,” he says, and begins steering me out of the car.
“What are you doing?” I hiss.
“Bee, do you go to UCLA also?” Tessa inquires as we try to squeeze past her.
“Um, no. I go to the Archer School.”
“Isn't that…a high school?” Tessa's nose wrinkles. “How very cradle-robbing of you, Jess.”
Jess laughs weakly and tugs me out of the dining car again. I look around for Martha and Herbert, but they've gone. Damn. I wanted to say goodbye. And to my dismay, Tessa has followed us.
“Where are you two sitting?” she inquires. “It's a long ride, and I'm sure we could all use some entertainment.”
Tessa runs a hand through her mane of hair and I suddenly wonder what exactly she has in mind for entertainment.
“Oh, we're in one of those little roomettes,” Jess says