over. ‘Don’t worry, Gabby. I’m out of here.’
And with that he turned around and walked out of her life.
13
There was no getting back from this, Gabby knew.
Max had gone because of decisions she’d made when she’d been a child. But she understood how he’d see her now—as a woman who had committed the most heinous sin in his book.
She couldn’t blame him. She could run after him, try to explain, pound her fists against that bruised heart of his. But it would do no good. She knew enough from the bleak expression on his face that there truly was no going back.
Great, Nonna. Happy now? The punishment was cruel but deserved. She’d lost two babies, her fertility, and the man she loved.
Her breath stuttered as she scraped in air. Yes.
The man she loved.
From the first moment he’d offered her those cheesy chat-up lines she’d fallen for him, too fast. Gabby, who shunned any contact with men, who focused entirely on her career, who never allowed so much as a flutter of her heart, had given him a huge piece of it that she would never get back.
Could it get any worse?
Oh, yes. Even more cruel, she’d have to face Max every day at work. Stand next to him as they worked on a patient together. Offer him a confident smile during a ward round. Be the ultimate efficient nurse she’d trained herself to be. Not wince at the rumours or the reality of him seeing someone else, settling down. Because he deserved that, at the very least. After what he’d been through, he deserved a chance to be happy.
She’d made a huge decision to give up her baby, but seeing how damaged Max had been, being brought up by people who hadn’t wanted him, she was doubly glad she’d given Joe to a family who had desperately wanted him.
She instinctively knew her son was safe and happy. Without her.
Now she had to prove she could still live without him. And without Max. No matter how hard it was, no matter how much hurt and pain she suffered.
But she would manage that, too. The one thing Max had given her was faith in herself, a renewed vision of life as something to celebrate, not hide behind.
Jumping off that tower had been the beginning, and now she would take every moment and grasp it. So she could show them all, show Max, show Joe, show Nonna—show herself-— that she would never be beaten. She would fall, sure, but she would get up and keep going.
The ache in Gabby’s throat burned fiercely as she replaced the lids on the boxes and stacked them in order back in her closet. Tempted for a moment to haul out Joe’s blanket and press her face into it in search of a smell long lost, she instead found the steel in her back and fitted the lid tightly.
Pressing a kiss on her fingertips, she placed them on top of the box and then closed the cupboard door. She would continue to buy gifts for her precious boy, would write him those letters, but she would now reassert her own future. After all, that was why she’d come to Auckland in the first place.
She would not have a family, the one thing she’d wanted most but had been too afraid to admit. She would never hold her own baby in her arms again. She would never curl into Max’s heat and let him soothe away the stress of the day. Or share a smile with him. A meal. A bed. But she would survive. Just. She had before.
Even though her heart was breaking all over again.
She looked over to where Max had tried to hold her in bed. To the door still swinging on its hinges with the force of his exit. Breathed in the last remnants of his smell.
He was gone. The sad story of her life.
Her bottom lip wobbled and she could feel her renewed determination wavering. She would allow herself one day to grieve, then she would forge forward.
Crossing the bedroom floor, the pain in her abdomen returned, accompanied by the familiar dull throb of regret. She climbed back into bed and pulled the duvet up to her chin.
Only then did she feel the dampness on her cheeks. When she glanced down she saw the droplets on her top;
And at last let the tears flow.
‘A load of fuss over nothing. It’s just a pompous dinner.’ Max flicked Jodi’s hand away as she fiddled with his