stepped back, took another sip of his beer, and pointed at me with the end of his bottle. “I owed you one for clocking me the other day. I just didn’t want to risk damaging your face since we’re officially on tour now. Besides, you’re an asshole. You deserved it.”
“What?”
“You’re a coward, brother. I’ve called you many names, and I’ve been called many names, but a coward? Didn’t figure you for that.” Jared’s eyes changed, as did his stance. He was beyond annoyed about something, pissed even.
“Yeah? And why am I a coward?” I lay flat on my back on the deck, not bothering to get up while Jared was on a rant.
“You slept with Kelly, and you’re too much of a coward to either admit it, or see it through, or both.” He said, accusation heavy in his voice. He slammed the rest of his beer back as he stared at me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It wasn’t a move I was proud of, but pretending like he was full of shit seemed like a good idea. I’d been spending every waking minute struggling not to think about Kelly since I walked out on her a couple of nights ago, and the last thing I wanted was to start thinking about her now, with Jared looking on and reading every move like an open book.
“I know I might be many things, a dick, a jerk, a rock star, and whatever else you wanna call me, but I’m still your brother. I know you better than you think. What the fuck happened?” He glowered at me now.
“Nothing happened,” I muttered, pushing up off the hot deck and leaning on the bar counter. Fuck, my stomach hurt, and each time my lungs expanded was still painful as hell. Jared sure knew how to get his shot in.
“That’s bullshit. Something happened.” He drained his beer and uncapped another. Holding it in front of his lips, he looked me over, and I could practically see him jumping to conclusions. “You screwed something up the night of the first performance, didn’t you?”
I didn’t answer him right away. I’d been asking myself that question for days now, trying to figure out exactly what the fuck had happened and why I’d walked out. Kelly pushing me about success, about being there for me, it triggered so many old memories.
When I didn’t say anything, Jared kept going. “I know that you did. Whatever happened, you fucked up. I saw you leave with her and then come back without her. We didn’t see her for the rest of the night, but Alicia heard someone on the crew saying it looked like she’d been crying when she left out the back. Alicia’s been trying to call her since, but she’s been distant with her. She keeps insisting she’s okay, but Alicia’s sure that she’s not. All of which begs the question, what did you do, Caleb?”
Again, the same question I’d been asking myself for days. The truth was that I didn’t know what I’d done. Not really. Those things that she’d said to me were trigger points for me, all of them, yet I’d started questioning myself as soon as I walked out the door. I gave Jared the only answer I’d been able to come up with.
“It’s for the best. Women always leave you in the end anyway. What’s done is done. Leave it alone, Jared.”
Jared’s lips curled into a mocking grin, and I knew he was about to let me have it. We were stepping into the ring for round number four million or so, for the same fight. “Just because Elizabeth couldn’t handle things doesn’t mean that other people can’t, you know? Especially people who know you now. It’s completely different than it used to be.”
“No, it’s not different. It’s never going to be, not while Destitute exists and I’m still in it. She begged me not to leave San Diego, man. She begged me to stay. She told me straight up that if I left, I was choosing the band. This is me living with that choice.”
Jared’s eyes turned to ice, and his mouth set in a grim line. “Do you regret it?”
“You want the truth, or do you want me to give you the answer that you wanna hear?” I spat the words at him, reaching for his cold beer and chugging half of it in one go. “You know what? Let me give you the god’s honest truth. I should’ve stayed.