she couldn’t explain at that moment. The news of the miscarriage would break his heart. And besides, we were still within sight of customs officials. Once we got to Brooklyn, she would stop pretending.
Rosa wore her prettiest dress—a navy frock, belted at the waist, meant to show off her curves. But the fabric across her bottom stretched, and the buttons at her chest threatened to burst. I fought a wave of sadness. My sister had the body of a new mother, with no child to show for it.
I smoothed the wrinkles from the old red and white polka-dot dress I’d made back in Trespiano. I refused to wear my best dress. That white garment was packed away, secured in a bag in remembrance of my wedding day.
We stood on the edge of the harbor, shivering. New York’s autumn air felt like the refrigerated room in the bakery, and I rubbed the chill from my arms. I looked up and noticed for the first time an older man standing behind Alberto, eyeing me as if he were judging cattle at the market.
I crossed my arms over my chest and listened as he whispered to Alberto in broken English he foolishly assumed I didn’t understand. “I thought you said her skin was like cream. And she is much too scrawny. No hips, that one.”
I seethed. I’d lost weight on the voyage, it was true. And the sun had darkened my skin. But who did he think he was, this pinkheaded man with a watermelon belly?
“I suppose she will do,” he said and pulled a set of keys from his pocket. My stomach lurched. Did Ignacio think I was here to marry him? Had Rosa not made it clear?
He cast me a smile, one I’m sure was meant to charm. It did not.
We climbed into Ignacio’s automobile, a snazzy turquoise car that said Oldsmobile on the back. Alberto hunkered in the backseat beside Rosa, holding Johanna. I had no choice but to sit up front with Ignacio.
Ignacio flipped on the radio. Of all songs, “Que Será, Será” rang out. I bit my cheek to keep from crying out. Rosa let out a whoop and leaned over the seat. “Can you believe it, Paolina? He has his own automobile!”
I turned and reached for Joh. “I can take her, Alberto.”
He smiled down at the baby. “She is happy right here, aren’t you, Josephina?”
The car sped off with a squeal. The belt of dread around my belly, the one I’d been trying my hardest to ignore, tightened another notch.
Alberto lived in a sparsely furnished one-bedroom apartment above a butcher shop. He held Joh tightly to his chest as his wife inspected the drafty place that smelled of blood and raw meat. A tiny wall of cupboards created a kitchen, along with a filthy range and dented refrigerator. I could almost hear my sister’s thoughts. Where was the beautiful home he had promised? Where was the machine that washed clothes?
“You will sleep here,” Alberto told me, tipping his head toward a ratty sofa in the main room. I glanced at him, sheepishly. Surely he’d rather have his wife all to himself. But to his credit, he gave me a welcoming smile. “This is your home, too, Paolina. Until you and Ignacio become husband and wife.”
“But Alberto, I’m—”
“Hush,” Rosa said, silencing me. “We will talk of wedding plans later.”
Joh began to fuss. When I went to take her, Alberto swooped away. “It is okay. Mamma will change you.” He planted the baby in Rosa’s arms.
I stood, my mouth agape. Rosa giggled nervously, avoiding my eyes. Beside us, Alberto smiled, a dreamy look on his face. “La mia famiglia è qui, finalmente.”
My family is here, at last.
For years I’ve thought of that moment, cursing myself for not making it clear, in that instant, Johanna was mine. In part, it was the sorrow I felt for my sister. In part, the loyalty. For what she thought would be a brief moment, she allowed her husband a glimpse of fatherhood. She hadn’t considered how instantly he would fall in love. And once dispensed, she didn’t have the heart to steal that joy from him. How could she explain, when he was holding a beautiful healthy baby in his arms, that his own child had died months earlier?
And so the nightmare began. The following week, while Alberto worked in the store, Rosa and I spent ten hours a day alone with Johanna. I demanded she tell the truth. And every day she