hesitant.”
“I doubt anyone could come out of what he experienced unchanged. He was dead, Lidon. I declared him dead myself. He had no pulse, no heart rhythm. And then he did… He literally looked death in the eye and came back to tell the tale. How does that not irrevocably change you?”
Enar made good points, as usual. “Does that mean this will be his new normal?”
“Would it bother you if it was?”
Lidon found that question hard to answer. Would he? Palani’s behavior was unnerving now, but that was also because it felt so strange. Could he get used to this over time? Could he accept it if Palani would always be like this?
“All I want is for him to be happy,” he said softly. “I don’t care what that looks like for him. If he needs to step back from leading the pack, that’s fine. If we need to scale down his responsibilities, we can do that. I’ll do whatever it takes, but he doesn’t look happy now. He’s so…sad.”
Enar hesitated.
“If there’s something I need to know, please tell me. Please.”
“He…he dropped the ball on some things that mattered, and he has a hard time forgiving himself.”
“Do I need to talk to him? Or does he need some time to himself to work through this?”
Enar kissed him tenderly. “I love that you ask. Before, you would’ve confronted him and demanded he talk.”
Lidon grinned. “And yet you loved me anyway.”
“I did…and I still do. And yes, you should talk to him. He needs to know he hasn’t failed you.”
Lidon kissed his hair. “I will. And I love you, Enar. I have since the first day we met.”
They cuddled for a long time, and it was perfect.
17
He’d done exactly as Enar had suggested. He’d formed a hypothesis, and now he was about to test it. Sando wiped his clammy hands on his shorts, then squared his shoulders. He could do this.
What was the worst thing that could happen to him? Getting laughed at? Getting rejected? He’d survived both plenty of times. Would it hurt? Yes, it would. But he’d shake it off eventually and move on, having learned something new. In this case, it had to be worth it. This might be the most important hypothesis he’d ever formulated in his life.
He’d spent hours debating it, looking at it from every angle until finally concluding that he had to test it. He couldn’t figure this out in his brain alone. He needed proof, and even if this particular kind of testing wasn’t exactly scientific, it was still measurable, wasn’t it? How else did others know?
His resolve renewed, he stepped into the farmhouse. Lev was in the kitchen, cooking something that made Sando’s stomach rumble. “Hi,” he said, as always a bit shy, though Lev didn’t make him feel self-conscious at all. He was too sweet for that, so obviously nonthreatening, even to Sando.
“Sando,” Lev said with a smile. “What brings you over? Can I get you something to eat?”
He pointed at the soup he was stirring. Sando had every intention to say no, but what came out instead was, “Could I, please? That smells amazing, and I only now realize I may have skipped breakfast this morning.”
Lev chuckled. “Something tells me that’s not an exception.” He gestured at the kitchen table. “Have a seat. We were about to have lunch, and we’d love to have you join us.”
Sando swallowed. He’d thought it would be him and Lev. “We?”
“Sivney and Rhene are inspecting the progress on the farm and will be back soon, and I can practically hear Naran’s stomach growling from where I stand.”
“I heard that, babyface,” Naran called out, and Lev chuckled.
“You were supposed to, Boss!”
“Don’t get cheeky on me now, boy. We both know that won’t end well.”
Lev merely laughed, his cheeks flushed but his smile happy.
The easy way in which Lev showed the dynamic between him and his men still floored Sando. Over Christmas, it had become crystal clear when he’d obeyed them both in public, kneeling for them even. Sando hadn’t understood, but Maz had explained that was what worked for them, that Lev was submissive to both Naran and Sivney. Sando had asked a thousand questions, and then he’d understood. What still amazed him was Lev’s lack of…of shame. Of embarrassment to show this to others.
“So you’re staying, right?”
After a short hesitation, Sando nodded. He might as well if Rhene was there. Maybe it would give him a natural opening to bring up what was on his