it all out there. “I’m used to depending on myself, El. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been doing my best to ignore the feeling of needing to see you, of missing you when you aren’t with me. I thought it was a problem, or a weakness. But these last few days without you have finally shown me the truth.”
Her watery, owlish brown eyes shine up at me. “They have?”
“Yeah,” I admit. “The truth is that when I’m with you, everything is right with the world, and when I’m not, I feel like I’m drowning. I realize now that needing you and missing you don’t make me weak . . .” my stomach flips and twists, “. . . they make everything so much better.” My voice drops to a whisper then. “I know now that I care about you – a lot.”
Her gaze drops from mine as her hands clasp and unclasp on the island counter. God, her silence makes me feel exposed, completely vulnerable and unprotected. If I could, I’d claw my chest open with my bare hands to stop the rising of this horrible, on-edge sensation. Finally, I can’t stand it any longer.
“I’ve got my head on straight now, El. Please give me another chance.”
The sound of her pulling in a breath to speak coils my stomach into a double knot. “So, let’s say I forgive you,” she says softly. “Then what?”
Then what? “Then . . . we move forward.” I almost cringe at how it sounds like a question.
“What does that mean to you, though, moving forward? You have kids.”
My defenses immediately rise and spring thorns at the mention of the girls. “I never hid that from you. Are you telling me it’s some kind of deal breaker now?” I can’t keep the incredulity from my voice.
Her brows, which had been pinched in concern, re-align themselves to show confusion. “What? No, Scott, I’m saying that you have kids. Before you knew how we really met, I could pretend that my past didn’t exist, that Piper isn’t Ellie. But we both know that’s bullshit.” She nervously pulls the elastic from her hair and re-ties her ponytail. “If I’m the sum of my parts – and I am – I’m not fit to be around children, especially not yours.”
My insides freeze. What, exactly, is she saying? For long, excruciating moments, we just stare at each other. For the life of me, I can’t think of how to respond to that.
“See?” she finally says hoarsely. “This is what I’m talking about. I’m not right for you, Scott, and I don’t want to be a placeholder until you find someone who is. No matter how much I love being with you, no matter how good you make me feel, I can’t do that to myself.”
I watch, horrified as she swipes at a tear that’s now rolling down her cheek before she goes on. “It would be so easy for me to slip into that role for you, but I can’t be that girl anymore. Piper is dead.”
“El. Why are you . . . please don’t cry.” I can’t stand it anymore, I need to touch her, but when I start around the island, she matches my steps in the opposite direction. I blow out a heavy breath of frustration and stop. We’ve now got the short side of the island between us. “I don’t want Piper, El. And I definitely don’t want you to play some role or be a . . .” my mouth curls with disgust, “placeholder. I just want you.”
She’s shaking her head at me. “How can you say that? If you knew half the things I’ve done in my life . . .”
Her distress hits me like a punch to the gut, and before she can react, I make it around the island and wrap her up in my arms. “Hey,” I tell her gently as she pushes at my chest, feebly attempting to free herself. “Oye, escúchame.” Spanish gets her attention where English didn’t, and her forehead comes to rest on my shoulder, followed by the rest of her.
“Whatever you’ve done, Opal, it can’t be as bad as you’re thinking.”
She sniffles. “That’s because you don’t know.”
“Come and sit down then.” Pulling her toward the couch, I sit her down on the cushion beside me. “Tell me.”
“You won’t like it,” she says miserably as she picks at the nail polish on her finger nails, studiously avoiding my eyes.
Taking her chin in my hand, I turn her