planned it, we were in love after growing up together, and then we went at it like only two hormonally-charged teenagers can. It took about seven weeks before we figured out our error.
The pregnancy and the following six years have been hard, brutal at times, so I don’t blame Lolita for not being able to deal with it on a full-time basis. She didn’t have an adult behind her, giving her all the moral support she needed like I did. But dammit, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m going out of my mind right now.
It’s 8:17 when I hear a car in the driveway. Wrenching the front door open, I tell myself to keep it together. Snapping at Lolita and starting a war between us is not in Rosa’s best interests.
The sight of my little girl running up the driveway almost lays me out flat with relief.
“?Papá!”
I grab her up into my arms and hug her close. “I’m back! Did you miss me?”
“I missed you so much,” I tell her, foregoing the Spanish for once. “Did you have fun?”
“Yes! We went to McDonald’s and then we went to Target. Look what I got!” She shows me a stuffed zebra. “And then we watched a movie at Grandma Sol’s house.”
“Sounds exciting,” I say, my voice weak after being so worried. I plant a kiss on her cheek. “Why don’t you go get your pajamas on and brush your teeth? You’ve got school tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I set her down and she turns to her mother who’s coming up the porch steps. “Bye, Mom.”
“Bye, Rosa. I love you.”
She just nods and runs inside where I hear her squealing with Carmen and Daniela over the zebra.
“Sorry, we’re late.”
I can only nod.
“We had fun,” she says to fill the tense silence.
Another nod.
She sighs. “I’m doing better, Scotty. Don’t be all pissy.”
Running a hand along the back of my neck, I meet her eyes. “Sorry, yeah. I’m not pissy. I’m proud of you, Lolis.” I blow out a heavy breath. “I just worry, you know?” My gaze settles on the driver of the car and I grit my teeth. It is Richie fucking Vasquez.
“You don’t have to worry anymore. This time, I’ve got this.”
I manage a feeble smile. How many times have I heard that? Then, even though I know it’s a mistake, I can’t stop myself from asking, “What’s going on there?” I lift my chin at the car.
Her body language shifts immediately, her arms folding across her chest as she glares up at me. “We’re just hanging out, Scotty. He’s nice. He drove us around today.”
Instead of pointing out the obvious: that our daughter can’t be hanging out with a scumbag like Richie Vasquez, I go with, “Okay, I trust your judgment.” I don’t trust it, but I’ve learned the hard way not to back Lolita into a corner, especially when there’s a chance that this thing with Richie will run its course and be a non-issue. “So, the same time next week on Wednesday?”
Richie honks the horn at her, so she heads down the steps and over her shoulder, she calls, “Yeah, I’ll be here at four again.”
My jaw sets as I watch her go. Lolita has never grasped the seriousness of raising a child – our child. She doesn’t spend enough time with Rosa to know how she absorbs everything around her like a sponge, how she imitates, how she repeats both words and behaviours. But who am I to judge? My mother and sister and their epic argument last week were beyond cringe-worthy. Sometimes I dream about starting over somewhere, away from my friends, away from my mother, away from Lolita, away from this neighborhood. Somewhere where there aren’t so many constant complications.
But I don’t have time for daydreaming right now. I have to check in with my kid and make sure she doesn’t need to talk about anything she saw or heard in Richie’s car or over at Grandma Sol’s house.
The next day as I approach 1001 Beans, I can see Ellie sitting at a table in the window. She’s got her head bent over her phone one second, and the next, she’s doing a mini fist pump in the air. I shake my head, trying to repress a smile.
As far as I’m concerned, the now familiar, sweet flutter of anticipation I’m feeling is a nice break from my life’s usual routine.
Inside the cafe, the smell of coffee fills my senses and bumps my mood up another notch. The place