line, everyone’s order is on me! Coffee, pastries, whatever!”
“No way, you skunk-smelling sack of horse manure!” Winona yells. At the same time, everyone else cheers.
“If this lady says no, I guess the offer is rescinded,” I say regretfully, gesturing at her and stepping to the side – but only slightly. Suddenly everyone’s glaring at her like she just drop-kicked a puppy.
“Seriously?” she splutters, eyes blazing with frustration. “You– I can’t even– Fine!” She makes a big show of turning away and talking to her nurse friend. I proceed to place an order for a dozen coffees – two for my assistant Henry and me, one for my driver, and the rest for the construction crew.
I shouldn’t mess with her. It’s childish of me. I also shouldn’t keep coming back here when I could send one of my project managers to deal with it instead. I have way too much on my plate already. I could tell myself that I’m doing it to help my best friend, Nico, whose restaurant will be opening here soon, but that would be a lie. It’s mostly because of her that I keep coming back.
I can’t explain why, though. It’s not like I have time to date, and if I did, I wouldn’t seek out the bossy, snarky, self-appointed Mayor of 47th Street – no matter how lush her body is, no matter how pink and plump her lips are. I’d choose someone quiet and restful, like my ex-girlfriend Sloane, who was so undemanding that I was frequently in danger of falling asleep in her presence. Well, she was restful until I broke up with her last week. Now she’s calling and texting me a dozen times a day.
Since I don’t want to date Mayor McBossy, the only justification I have is that she keeps me on my toes. I’m at the helm of an enormous enterprise, and all day long, I deal with yes-men and yes-women who would tap dance on broken glass to make me happy. It’s surprisingly energizing to come up against a woman who challenges every move I make.
But I’ve had my fun for the morning. Now I have to deal with my entire day’s schedule being thrown into chaos by the arrival of my sister and niece. I adore them more than a positive quarterly earnings report, but the timing isn’t great. I’m organizing our biggest project ever, and if I want to convince our board of directors that we’re ready to go public, it has to go off without a hitch. I barely have time to pee, much less for a family visit.
I tip the barista generously as she hands me a cardboard tray of coffee. “Put everyone else’s orders on my card,” I remind her.
Then I glance impatiently down the street. My driver, who had to circle the block because there was nowhere to park, should be back by now. My assistant Henry is trying to reach him by phone.
Winona glares at me as I stride past her, and turns her back to me. As she does, something falls out of her purse, and I bend over to snatch it up, carefully keeping the coffee trays from tipping. It’s a plastic bookmark with little hand-drawn flowers on it.
I hold it up and make a show of studying it very carefully. At the top, it says “Requirements for dating me”. Underneath it is a little list. “Considerate. Loves dogs. Walks old ladies across the street. Loves me no matter what I look like.”
“Hey! Give me that!” Winona shrieks.
Walks old ladies across the street? Jesus, who has the time? “Whoever fits that list sounds like a hell of a guy. When you find him, never let him go.” I flash her a smirk and hand it back to her. Yep, I can be a real asshole sometimes. Mostly just when I’m awake and breathing, though.
I walk over to the construction foreman and hand him the tray of coffee, grabbing three cups for the driver, Henry and me.
“I’m afraid I have a bit of bad news,” Henry says in his clipped British accent, as I hold out his cup.
I promptly withdraw the coffee cup. “You know the day I’m having! You do not get to say ‘bad news’,” I inform him with a threatening glower.
He tries to reach for the coffee, and I hold it up over his head. Dick move, I know. I’m 6’3”, he’s 5’5”. I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. Ridiculously successful, yes. Love my family,