quote again, ‘the social medium’. Your mother says that I’m nowhere near as bad-looking as you made me out to be.” He grins cheerfully, shoving his hands in his pockets. “And she’s got some recipes for herb mixes that will help with the halitosis. She wants my mailing address so she can mail me a wart cure. And apparently someone named Loretta’s going to just die when she hears about you and me?”
I look around disconsolately. “We’re in the courtyard. There’s not even a window for me to jump out of.”
“Tough break, huh?”
“You don’t have to enjoy this quite so much.” I scowl. “Sadist. Should I expect whips and handcuffs next time? Oh wait, there won’t be a next time.”
“Oh, I’m only a sadist in work situations. Not in the bedroom.”
Heat floods my veins. His mouth on my breasts, his fingers stroking me…“And now we’re back to talking about the bedroom.”
“Yes.” He breathes heavily. “We are. But I’m holding strong.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
“I’m miserable, thanks for asking.” He looks it, too. There are faint circles under his eyes and a sadness to his smile. “Do you think we could hang out sometimes? Just as friends?”
God, yes. Yes, yes, yes! I want to hang out with him. I want him to give me grief like nobody else does, with that light of affection shining from his eyes. I want him to look at me like nobody else does, in the way that makes me feel sexy and funny and smart and just all-around wonderful.
“No, because we’d just end up in bed together. I don’t want a friends-with-occasional-benefits type deal.”
“You’re right.” He grimaces. “I know that, I’m just being an idiot. I can’t seem to stay away from you, but I can’t date you because I can’t treat you like you deserve to be treated. I mean, this is the first break I’ve had all damn week, and after this I’m going to go home and make a bunch of phone calls to people who are just showing up to work in other time zones. I just… You know my goals. You know my reasons behind it all. I would make an absolutely lousy boyfriend, and you’d end up hating me.”
“Not arguing that point at all.” I shrug. “So you just came here to make sure the pizza was safely delivered?”
He shakes his head chidingly. “For a smart girl, you sure are dumb sometimes. I asked you if you wanted to hang out with me tonight, remember?”
“I mean…you said you had an hour free on Thursday.” I cross my eyes at him. “I was so overcome I didn’t know if I should rip my panties off or curtsy with gratitude.”
“I’m not good at communicating my feelings. That’s probably why ever since I first met you, I’ve been acting like a first-grader dipping a girl’s pigtails in a bottle of ink.”
The ice wall I’ve built up around my heart melts a little bit. “Well, here’s an opportunity for you to learn and grow. Use your words, Blake. Tell me why you came here tonight.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets, and his lips curl up in a little smile. “I can’t be the boyfriend that you deserve, but I’m selfish. I came here to get my recommended daily dose of Vitamin Winona. I wanted to look at your face. I’ve had a long, boring day of having my ass kissed, and I needed someone to give me a hard time. Now I am going to walk you to your door, and then I will call Henry and ruin his good time. And he’d better have saved some damn pizza for me.”
“You really need to give that man some time off.”
He ignores me. “Once I’ve seen you safely inside your apartment, I am going to go home and take the world’s coldest shower. Sub-zero, even. In fact, dry ice is called for. It won’t end well.” He gestures at himself. “Please remember me this way.”
I give him a quick once-over. “Stubborn and stupid?”
“Ouch. You sure know how to kick a man when he’s down.”
He puts his arm around my shoulders as we slowly walk back towards my apartment. And when we get to my door, he will leave me and go home to his huge mansion, and I’ll toss and turn all night, thinking of the yearning in his eyes. The yearning that he’s very successfully resisting. My heart aches with every step I take, and I hear whispers of self-doubt in