my current situation with the agency was untenable. I didn’t want to live permanently inside a fortified base. I wanted to be back in my home, with my big backyard and in-ground pool. I wanted to be able to have friends over, or chill on my front porch with a tall glass of iced tea and a good book, while the neighborhood kids played in the street. Zain’s presence was binding me here.
Obviously, the agency wouldn’t be too keen on letting him leave the base. They only trusted him to behave in my presence, or during a specific mission in my absence. To my shame, I had to admit that I also wasn’t certain to what extent I would trust Zain on his own not to cause harm. And yet, my gut said he would absolutely control his violent urges—not out of compassion, but because he understood the restraint he had to exercise in order to live in this realm.
On the sixth day, just as Anika was telling him that he was good to resume physical training, but not to overdo it, and to listen to his body for any sign of distress, a new victim was discovered. Darryl, who had been oddly quiet for the past week, had finally resurfaced. No cameras had captured his image, but the energy signature lingering around the desiccated remains matched his. That news seemed to crush Zain. Understanding finally dawned on me. That, too, I should have figured out sooner.
When we returned to my quarters, he immediately went to watch the news. I took the remote from him, turned the TV off, and forced him to look at me.
“I’ve been watching you eat yourself from within for the past week,” I said in a soft, but firm voice. “You relentlessly pursued me, convinced me to be yours, and now you are shutting me out. You call me your mate, but you treat me as a stranger. I’ve been trying to figure out what was torturing you. I’d even started wondering if you had tired of me, but—”
“No!” Zain categorically said, interrupting me. “I can never tire of you. You are my life.”
“Then if I am, why won’t you talk to me?” I asked softly. “Why won’t you let me help you? That is what mates do. I should be the one person you always feel safe to talk to about everything and anything, because I’ll never judge you or turn my back on you. It hurts me to see you in pain and not be allowed to help you through it. I wish you would trust me. I am your woman, and you are my man.”
An expression of deep pain crossed his features. Although he tried to hide it, a part of it lingered on his beautiful face, further breaking my heart.
“Am I?” he asked. “Am I still your man, Naima?”
I recoiled, my chest constricting with a painful feeling of rejection.
“Of course, you are!” I exclaimed, confused and hurt. “Or are you saying that you no longer consider yourself as such?”
Zain snorted and shook his head with a dejected expression. That he didn’t answer right away to deny my question cut deep. Head bowed, gaze vague, my Nightmare appeared lost in painful thoughts. Silence stretched between us, filling the room, choking the air out.
“I do not know who or what I am anymore,” Zain finally said in a low, angry voice. “I am a killer created to terrorize my creator who no longer wishes to be stalked. I am a predator who can no longer hunt without upsetting my mate. I am now supposed to be a protector, but I would have been defeated by an idiotic Nightmare if not for the aid of two frightened humans. I am a human who doesn’t know how to be one. I am a Walker trapped in a vessel I don’t comprehend, and in a world filled with nonsensical rules based on arbitrary and intangible notions.”
He lifted his head to look at me. My throat tightened, and tears pricked my eyes at the sight of the despair on his face. Zain studied my features as if he was trying to memorize them. He lifted one hand and caressed my cheek with such care, you’d think I was a mirage that he feared would vanish any minute. I wanted to answer and appease his insecurities, but he had more to say. I couldn’t risk stemming the flow now that the dam had broken.
“I cannot honor my commitment