on her alarm clock slipping through one hour and then two, Cassie listened to the silence downstairs. Had he fallen asleep? she wondered. He was obviously reluctant to come up. Her heart, which had been sinking since she’d seen the bewilderment in his eyes at the police station, settled like ice in her chest. She hadn’t realised she’d drifted off until she was jolted awake by the raucous squeal of brakes, metal grinding mercilessly against metal. Her son’s petrified cry dying in his throat, as if he were right here in the room. Sweat pooling in the hollow of her neck, her chest pelting, she pulled herself up, squinting in the semi-dark. Adam still wasn’t here, and she needed him to be, holding her, drawing her close, spooning her with his firm body.
It was after three o’clock when he eventually did come, squeaking the bedroom door quietly open. Hearing him carefully undressing, Cassie kept her eyes closed, feigning sleep. She knew he would be as confused emotionally as she was, worried about what had gone on today, about her. Still, she didn’t think she could bear it if he knew she was awake and he couldn’t bring himself to reach out to her.
Twenty-One
Joshua
January 2019
‘Whoops, careful.’ Josh steadied Kim as they exited the Italian restaurant. They’d shared a bottle of wine with their meal and had a liqueur coffee afterwards. She was definitely a bit tipsy.
‘It’s the shoes,’ she said, turning towards him with a mischievous smile.
Josh sighed in mock despair. ‘I suppose that means you’ll be throwing yourself at my feet again then?’
‘Like you don’t regularly have women throwing themselves at your feet,’ she teased, surprising him and sliding her hand around his waist as they walked.
‘Obviously. But I only pick the pretty ones up,’ Josh quipped. He hesitated, and then circled his arm around her too as they neared the bridge over the River Severn, heading for the high street to get a taxi.
‘Flatterer.’ She laughed.
‘It’s one of my better qualities,’ Josh assured her. He was glad she was smiling more easily.
She’d been nervous the first time they’d gone out. He hadn’t realised how nervous until he’d attempted to kiss her goodnight. He’d been feeling guilty, his mind still on the first woman he’d ever made meaningful love with. Kim had flinched, and then blushed furiously. ‘It’s not you, Josh. It’s me,’ she’d said quickly, as he’d mumbled an apology. ‘I haven’t been out with anyone since… You know.’ It was obviously too much too soon. He’d been relieved to a degree. It was probably better for both of them to take things slowly rather than rush into a physical relationship, which Kim clearly wasn’t ready for.
‘So what will you do with your weekend?’ she asked him now.
‘Not much on Saturday,’ he said. ‘I’m canoeing on Sunday with my stepdad.’
Kim squeezed her arm tighter around his waist. ‘He sounds really nice. You must get on well.’
‘He is, and we do,’ Josh said. ‘Adam’s a good bloke. Caring, you know? Genuinely, I mean. He’d do anything for anybody if he thought they were worth the effort. There was this one time when we walked past a homeless woman in the street and he saw she hadn’t got much to keep her warm, so he went into the twenty-four-hour supermarket and bought her a sleeping bag.’
Kim looked impressed. ‘What a lovely thing to do. Not many people would go to that effort, even if they could afford it. He sounds like my kind of guy.’
‘Yeah. That’s just the way he is.’ Selfless, his mother had once called him, saying that was why she loved him. ‘He always looked out for me. Still does, really.’
‘Did they not have children together, your mum and Adam?’ Kim asked. ‘He’s clearly been such a great dad to you.’
‘No.’ Josh sighed, wishing that they had. At least then he wouldn’t have been his mother’s centre of attention. She’d told him often as a kid that he was her whole world. It was just what mothers did, he guessed, but it was a lot to live up to. ‘They tried. Adam would have loved to have kids of his own, and I know Mum wanted another baby, but… she miscarried. It broke their hearts. I guess they accepted it wasn’t going to happen after a while.’
‘Oh God, that’s awful,’ Kim commiserated, slowing her pace as they walked across the bridge. ‘For your mum and for Adam. He must really be a special kind of guy.’
‘Yeah. He is.