her you like her best? That I like you best,” she reasons, her voice full of reassurance. “Mr Farrow is nice, but I think you would look after Mommy better than him.”
“I don’t think your mom needs anyone to look after her. She’s doing pretty well all by herself.”
For the second time in as many minutes, my heart pinches. That was a compliment, I think. But it sounded sad.
“She should have someone to look after her, She’s the one who always does the looking after, and that’s not fair.”
“You’re a sweet girl, Lulu.”
“I’m a sweet potato,” she corrects. “And I don’t want to live anywhere else. I like this ’partment too much.”
“I know. But unfortunately, honey, we all have to do things we don’t want to. This room will still be here when you visit. Maybe we can even convince Mommy to sleep over sometimes.”
Not for the kind of sleepovers he’s talking about. I decide it’s time for this party of mutual appreciation to end and tiptoe along the hall before more or less stomping back again.
“Lulu, you’ve got homework to do,” I announce, pushing on the door. I try not to laugh—try and fail—as I find Carson sitting cross-legged between a huge teddy bear and a stuffed whale. But that’s not the best part. He’s wearing a silver-coloured princess crown on his head.
“Aww!” Lulu begins to whine. “We haven’t even had pudding yet.” She points at the packet of cookies she appears to have pilfered from the kitchen.
“Yeah, Mom. Don’t spoil the vibe.”
Trying very hard to ignore his tauntingly sexy smirk, I address my child. “Carson has to go home now.”
“But he already is home.”
I take a deep breath and try again. “Carson needs to go somewhere else, then.” I turn my attention to the man in question. “Or we do.”
It’s not a threat. More like a promise. I can’t have him here making my heart and my ovaries pinch as he takes imaginary tea—or gin—with my kid.
I don’t want to feel like this.
I can’t want this.
Can’t want him.
As I turn on my heel, I hear him scramble up behind me.
“Fee, wait up.” His hand catches my shoulder in the hallway, but I don’t turn, shrugging him off and storming into the kitchen. My head is in bits, and I just want it all to go away. And why do I keep hiding behind this bloody island?
“Please, I don’t want to upset you. But I just wanted to ask—”
I pivot to face him, preparing myself for whatever he’s going to say. If that’s even possible.
“This teacher. Do you think he could be your forever?”
I wasn’t prepared for that. His tone isn’t teasing or mocking, and for once, he isn’t trying to goad a reaction. It seems like a genuine question. One he seems a little desperate to hear the answer to. I think I might do a fair impersonation of a guppy in response.
“You don’t date.” I notice he’s still holding the crown in his hand as he places it on the island between us. Then he slides his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his broad shoulders pushed up around his ears. “I’m asking if you think you might be serious about him.”
Words begin to tumble from my mouth, almost before my brain connects.
“Are you truly asking? Or could it be you’re trying to remind me I haven’t been out on a date in almost five years?” I fold my arms and glare across the island at him. The thought that he might be trying to manipulate me with this whole performance is making me feel as prickly as a hedgehog. “Because if that’s the case, maybe you should cast your mind back to last night,” I utter icily as I poke a finger in his direction. “Because that wasn’t in my plans, either.”
“You haven’t—” His words halt, something like shock or maybe delight rippling across his face before his expression firms almost immediately again. “You haven’t been on a date since before Lulu was born.” This time his words are smokier. His dark eyes seem darker, too.
It’s a good thing I was never destined to be a spy. Because I’d be a really shit one, considering I’ve just about admitted he’s the only man I’ve slept with in forever. The only man I’ve slept with since the last time I slept with him.
“Oh, you’re still here.” Lulu appears next to him, her dark hair like a bird’s nest as she stares up at him. “Are you