almost eerie. Trevor hadn’t looked up at me since I’d been back in the room. That hurt almost as bad as just having realized I just lost our baby. “Trevor,” I sobbed out. He looked at me with his tear streaked face. That broke my heart; I never wanted to see him like this ever. “Please come by me.”
He slowly got up out of his chair and walked up to the hospital bed I lay in. There was a little space next to me and I patted for him to sit. He lay instead fitting his body perfectly next to mine and held me sobbing like a baby. We cried for what seemed like ages then lay there quietly neither of us knowing what to say.
“Macy, I’m sorry for seeming distant after your, your, surgery. I just, I don’t know how to handle this. We can get through this right?” He looked at me, his eyes still moist from the tears.
That sounded like the question I should be asking. I kissed his cheek than his lips. “We will get through this together. I don’t know how to either. I don’t even know what to think. I wish this were a nightmare.”
We lay in silence again until the door opened and the nurse came in. Trevor sat up and stood beside me. “How are you feeling?” I’m sure she knew how I was feeling but this was routine.
“Ok, I guess.” What did she want me to say? I feel absolutely shitty? This is the worst day of my life?
“We’re going to keep you overnight and you can go home tomorrow.” She wrote something on my chart then walked out the room. She had tried to offer a smile but I wasn’t in the mood to return it.
I glanced up at Trevor and he answered my question. “I’m staying all night with you. I’m not leaving.” He grabbed his phone to text Marcus that I was going home in the morning and he would text them when we were leaving the hospital. Gary would bring them home tonight.
Trevor climbed back in the bed with me and held me tight. The only noise in the room was the machines they had me hooked up to. We were both so exhausted, within minutes we were fast asleep.
About 9:00am the next morning, the nurse came to discharge me so I could go home. I was ready to leave this hospital and its horrible memories behind. Trevor drove us home with my hand in his the whole way. We didn’t speak a single word to one another. Truth be told, neither of us knew what to say. He’d stood by me through some pretty intense things. I knew we could survive this. If anyone could, it would be us. He opened my door for me and carried me into the apartment. Halley, Marcus, and Gary were all there with even more flowers and lots of coffee. I hugged everyone and thanked them for being there for me. We visited for about an hour. Everyone was telling stories trying to get me to crack some sort of smile or even converse back but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Finally I leaned in to Trevor and let him know I was ready to go lay down. We told everyone thanks for everything and then I went to lay down with Trevor right behind me
I lay down with my tiger next to me. Right now it seemed to be the only thing that could bring some sort of calm into my life. It was nothing but an innocent bystander in all this. Trevor lay beside me and placed his hand on my belly. I know it was a natural reaction for the past five months but I cringed and moved it. It didn’t feel right to have his hand there just yet, it did nothing but make me want to bawl my eyes out. He let out a sigh and just kept his hands to himself.
“Mace?”
“Yeah?” I was so tired and exhausted. I didn’t really want to talk but he didn’t deserve to be shut out.
“I love you. So much.”
I turned to face him. His eyes were about as tired as mine were. I could see the circles forming under his eyes. He hadn’t slept, just like me. He never left my side in the hospital. He was being so perfect throughout all this chaos. “I love you too. Do..do you still want to marry me?” The