me and my best friend from middle school. The two of us were inseparable back then but we went to different high schools and drifted apart. I thought back to the past few days at the bar and just a few hours ago when Trevor and I were having fun then I shut him out and now he was about to know the worst secret of my life. My eyes met with his and he watched me with concern. He looked like he wanted to speak but was afraid of what to say. Hell, even I didn’t know what to say at this point in time. Someone had to talk first and I decided I needed to break the ice.
“Trevor, I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Don’t be sorry. Are you ok? You seemed really upset, I’m worried about you.” His eyes searched mine for some sort of answer. He looked really worried and I hated to see that.
“I really feel like I need to let you in on the conversation I just had with my Mom. Please just hear me out and then if you never want to see me again, I’ll find a new job or whatever I have to do so you can still play at the bar.” I was preparing myself to lay it all out for him. None one knew but Halley and Gary. This step was everything and I was terrified to tell him. Would I be enough to keep him after he knew?
“Macy, I don’t care about playing at the bar, I care about you.”
I let out a small chuckle and replied, “You are full of it, and you love playing at the bar.” He let out a half smile and I began to speak again. “Did you ever wonder why I moved here with my Uncle?”
“You moved here for school. That’s what he told me when you first moved here and I asked about you. Then he told me to leave you alone.”
“That’s the partial reason.” I took several deep breaths determined not to start crying again when I told him. Yes, I had been a victim but I have moved on. I kept telling myself I was a strong woman. Nothing or no one can bring me down anymore. Slowly I began letting him in, “When I was 19, my mom’s husband would try to rub against me when we would walk past each other. At first it seemed completely normal, you know when you are trying to get around someone but can’t help but accidently brush against them, but then it began getting really awkward. One day he walked in the bathroom and tried to kiss me and began trying to raise my shirt up but my mom walked in the front door and he slid out before she even noticed anything.” I stopped to take a breath and looked at him. He sat patiently listening and never let go of my hand. I started talking again. “I tried to talk to her privately and let her know what he was trying to do but she wouldn’t hear it. He just wouldn’t do such a thing is what she would say. You’re practically his daughter I can’t believe you.” Deep breath. “He kept trying with the small passes and she always walked in and he would stop, but one day I was in my room texting Halley. School hadn’t started yet but we had our dorm mate assignments so we exchanged numbers and began getting to know one another. He came in and locked the door behind him.” I had to stop for a second to try to control the tears that had begun welling up again. He squeezed my hand gently and I got the strength to finish. “He walked up to me and pushed me down on the bed and he took my pants off and ripped my shirt off. He was so strong, I couldn’t push him off. I tried so hard. I tried to aim for his balls to kick him, I tried everything I could. I screamed as loud as I could manage but no one heard. No neighbors or anything. He raped me that night. That’s when I really started drinking. It was the only way to numb what was happening. I wished it were some gruesome nightmare. I sat in the hot shower as long as I could manage that night and cried til I was out of tears. It happened a few