a sassy, bold dress, I felt liberated.
* * *
Nadia: Liberated from your past, you mean?
* * *
Scarlett: Exactly. I felt like a different woman. Like someone who could own all her fantasies. Someone who had a partner who wanted to know them, indulge them. It was never that way with Jonathan. He was never that excited. Anyway, let’s not talk about Jonathan.
* * *
Nadia: Words to live by. Tell me all about Mr. Orgasm Dispenser instead. Is that what you call Daniel now?
* * *
Scarlett: Oh, yes. Of course.
* * *
Nadia: Excellent. I probably won’t use it when I see him, but it’s useful to know his secret identity for party planning and whatnot. So, how does the whole fake name ruse work?
* * *
Scarlett: We pick different names each day. It’s crazy and wonderful. We pretend we’re newlyweds, and it’s like a whole new world.
* * *
Nadia: And that gives you the freedom to explore what you want and what you’ve craved. Right?
* * *
Scarlett: Yes. I’m finally having the sex I want. It’s wild and carnal and frequent. Last night, we fucked twice before bed. I’m in dirty heaven.
* * *
Nadia: So it’s a sex cornucopia? I want to be incredibly jealous, but if anybody deserves that, it’s you.
* * *
Scarlett: I’m devouring all the goodies in the cornucopia, thank you very much. I’m feasting like a glutton. But the thing is, I also feel like when we pretend, I can open up to Daniel in other ways. I actually told him—gasp!—about Jonathan.
* * *
Nadia: Whoa. That’s a huge step. You don’t usually share that with anyone.
* * *
Scarlett: I don’t. But it was easy to tell him—more so than I expected. Maybe because it’s all occurring in this container of make-believe. But it felt so freeing. Like I’d been carrying around this terrible and embarrassing secret and could finally let go of it.
* * *
Nadia: How did he take it? What did he say? I know that’s been a worry of yours—how it would reflect on you.
* * *
Scarlett: Yes, like something was wrong with me, but I’m saying goodbye to those thoughts. And he handled it, I suppose, exactly like I’d hoped he would. Once he knew, he didn’t look at me the way Jonathan would have. He didn’t look at me like a man who wasn’t interested in his wife. He was enraged on my behalf, Nadia. It was sort of arousing and comforting at the same time.
* * *
Three wiggling dots dance on my screen for a while. Her response is short, though, and to the point.
* * *
Nadia: You have feelings for him.
* * *
I close my eyes, wishing she weren’t right.
But when I open my eyes and turn my gaze to the man sharing my bed, his strong shoulders, his sculpted back, his sex-tousled hair, I can’t wish these emotions away.
Especially when I catch a glimpse of his profile, with his carved cheekbones and soft lips, and I think of everything those lips have said to me—his kind words, his protective words.
She’s dead right. Emotions rise up in me, strong, powerful ones. Ones that threaten to break my heart all the way open. I don’t know where these emotions fit into my life. The trouble is—I don’t think they can.
I need to get them out of my head though.
* * *
Scarlett: I do have feelings for him. But the trouble is, there’s nothing on my to-do list telling me how to handle these sorts of feelings. I don’t know where to go from here.
* * *
Nadia: Does he have feelings for you?
* * *
Another glance at the man, and the memory of the last two days rushes in, bright and clear. The passion in his voice. The intensity in his eyes. Of course he has feelings for me, but I don’t think he’ll allow them to dance past a certain point. And I don’t know if they’re the same as mine.
* * *
Scarlett: He might, but he also made it clear that this thing with us exists in its own time and space, and that we’ll go back to the way we were. He was up-front about that from the start.
* * *
Nadia: Then you enjoy it for what it is, for that moment in time. Some relationships are meant to last for a long while. Others burn bright and hot for a few days, maybe a week. It doesn’t make them less valuable. They all help us learn something. Maybe this