of your mother and father. I’ve never had these things, yet even I know how important they are.’
She swept away the papers and tucked them out of view.
‘You are in no condition to make such decisions right now.’ She sniffled, but tried to hide it by grabbing the bowl from the tray. She sat beside him and thrust a spoonful of cold soup to his lips without kindness. ‘Get well first before giving such rash orders.’
He tilted his head to take the soup and swallowed obediently, barely tasting it. ‘Yan Ling,’ he began, as she turned to dip the spoon.
‘Stop talking.’ She fed him again before swiping the back of her hand harshly over her eyes. ‘Really, Fei Long. Stop talking.’
Chapter Seventeen
Fei Long spent a week in bed, tended to by servants who took care of feeding and bathing him. Yan Ling stopped by to check on him at least once a day, but refrained from staying long enough to get angry with him. He obliged her by no longer talking about selling the house.
She was right. To give Zōu their family home would be surrender. He was not ready to bow down to a lowly crime boss. The new plan he was forming, however, would make Yan Ling even angrier.
* * *
After the first week, he was allowed to sit up, as long as he didn’t move much. The Foreign Ministry had sent along writings about Khitan. Yan Ling would sit and listen while he read them to her. It seemed their daily lessons had been resurrected in this form.
‘Do you want to continue?’ he asked during one of her visits.
She was sitting near his feet with her back resting against the wall of the alcove. The position was intimate, scandalously so, but he liked having her there too much to protest. She was such a welcome sight after staring at the walls for hours on end. His convalescence had worn tiny holes in the barriers between them where light could peek through, but the barriers were still there.
He looked up after describing several Khitan customs to see Yan Ling with her feet pulled up on the bed.
She rocked back and forth absently, almost child-like. ‘I was just thinking. Please continue.’
‘Khitan women dress in jackets and skirts with leggings beneath to allow them to ride,’ he read from a report written by the imperial envoys to Khitan. ‘Many are trained in horse riding as well as how to use the bow and arrow.’
‘Maybe I should learn how to ride a horse.’
He set down the report. ‘There isn’t enough time.’
‘You’re right.’ She nodded, her expression veiled with sadness. ‘I suppose there will be plenty of time to learn once I arrive there. I’ll have to learn everything again: the language, how to stand and sit.’
As if all of their lessons were for nothing after all. ‘You’ll have an escort with an interpreter and some of the chieftains have learned our language.’
‘It won’t be so bad then at all,’ she murmured.
Fei Long wasn’t convinced and it was obvious that Yan Ling wasn’t either. The sharp pain in his chest had nothing to do with his injuries. The ache came deep from within his soul. When he asked her if she wanted to continue, it wasn’t only about the reading. He’d always assumed she wanted to go to Khitan, but he’d been blind to anything but his own purpose.
He could go with her.
The thought came as sudden as a windstorm. Heqin brides travelled along with an extensive escort. He could offer his services to the Emperor. His military position as squad commander had likely been given to another by now, though not yet officially terminated.
It was impossible, of course. They would have to constantly pose as brother and sister and it was harder for two people to keep up a ruse than one. More importantly, Fei Long didn’t know if he could trust himself not to abduct her once they cleared the boundaries of the empire. He’d wear a mask and sweep her onto his horse to ride fiercely across the grassland steppes. The fantasy was not unsatisfying.
‘Fei Long?’
‘Hmm?’
‘Let’s talk about something besides Khitan.’ She had tucked her knees close to her chest, suddenly appearing very small.
‘Of course. Anything you wish,’ he replied.
For a moment, they had nothing. He was struggling to find a new topic of conversation when Yan Ling spoke.
‘Why didn’t you take the civil exams?’ she asked. ‘Didn’t the elder Lord Chang wish for you to carry on the