on his shirt, spreading her hands out on the hard warmth of his chest, pressing into it, loving the feel of him under her palms. ‘Please, sire.’
He muttered a curse under his breath, a rough sound that echoed through her. His body tensed, his muscles tight, and she wanted to run her hands over him, to soothe him. Did he have anyone to do that for him? Did he have anyone to ease that tension? That tiredness she’d seen in him... Did he have anyone who gave him pleasure?
He probably has hundreds of women, you fool. He’s a king. He could have anyone he wanted.
Yes, but he wasn’t with just anyone now. He was with her. And it was her hair he had his hand in, her hands on his chest. And it was her he was looking at.
‘You’re a virgin,’ he said. ‘You’ll be taking your vows. You’re under my protection. Taking you like this, now, would be a violation of all those things.’
‘I don’t care.’ And she meant it. She couldn’t bear the thought of him letting her go and stepping away. All his heat withdrawing and all his strength, like a tide going out, leaving her high and dry. And lonely. Always lonely. ‘I want you so much.’ Her throat closed with the force of her emotion and she tried to swallow it down, realising belatedly that perhaps revealing herself so openly was a bad idea.
But perhaps he knew anyway, because his other hand cupped her cheek. For all his massive strength he was gentle, his big palm so warm and reassuring that she wanted to weep. ‘Anna.’ He said her name huskily, the sound of it whispering over her, the expression on his face softening just a fraction. ‘You will care. When it’s over, you’ll care very much.’
Her heart felt full, pushing against her ribs, each beat painful. ‘Don’t tell me how I’m going to feel. You don’t know. I’ve never had this before. Never felt it before. And yes, I’ll be taking my vows, but I don’t need to be a virgin to take them.’
Some emotion she didn’t understand flickered over his face. ‘And how will you feel afterwards? When I pretend it never happened? That none of this did? When you go back to being my daughter’s companion and a trainee nun? Because that’s what will happen. You can’t be my lover, not openly, not given my position, and that’s to protect both of our reputations. I will not acknowledge you as anything more than my daughter’s companion and one of my godmother’s charges. My job is to protect people and that includes you.’
She understood and it all made perfect sense. Of course he wouldn’t be able to acknowledge her, just as she wouldn’t be able to acknowledge him. He had a position to protect just as she did, and a country to lead.
‘I understand,’ she said thickly. ‘I really do.’
‘Do you?’ His voice had become harsh. ‘I have a duty to my country. If word got out that we were lovers, it would reflect very badly on both of us. I cannot be seen as a man who took advantage of someone weaker and more vulnerable, and that’s how people would view it. And those that don’t would look at you with suspicion. They would view you as a gold-digger or worse.’
She took a little breath as the implications sank in, because no, she hadn’t thought of any of that. But again, it made sense. And it did nothing to calm either the desperation or the hunger inside her.
Except...he had much to lose. More than she did. If it got out that she’d had a king for a lover, the worst that would happen would be disappointment from the nuns and from the Reverend Mother. But for him, with a country to lead...
Her gut lurched. She couldn’t ask it of him. It was wrong of her. She didn’t care about the nuns’ disappointment in her—they were always disappointed in her—not when all she could think about was him.
She swallowed the bitterness that collected in the back of her throat at the unfairness of it all. ‘Okay. I wouldn’t want to put you in a bad position. I’m sorry. I should have—’
His hand in her hair tightened, cutting her off, his blue eyes blazing. ‘I didn’t say no.’
Everything in her went still and quiet.
Keeping his gaze on hers, he lowered his hand from her cheek, dropping it down to the small of her back