of staying grounded. The words, already tattooed on my heart, bring hot tears to my eyes, but I swipe them away. I don’t want to miss a second of this.
My hands yearn to reach out and touch him. Feel if he is real, and just when I wonder if maybe he’s not—maybe I’ve imagined this entire scenario, the drums cut in, and I remember he’s not alone up there.
Phil is perched behind a polished set of drums, looking like he’s a kid again. My mom is screaming. Oh, geez, they’re gonna be impossible to live with after this. I scream along with her. My mom clutches my hand, her face shining.
Luke’s voice is joined by another, and it only takes me a half second to realize Charlie Greenly is singing backup. He’s got an expensive guitar strapped across his chest, and he’s beaming at his son as if he’s been given the best gift of his entire life.
How.
How did I not know this was happening?
How did they ever convince him to do this?
Why?
This time, I sing along with the chorus. The only one in the whole place singing along because I’m the only one who’s heard it enough times to memorize. The words get caught in my throat as I frown. He’s blowing everyone away, but deep down, this isn’t where he wants to be. He’s closing his eyes, and not because he’s intent on the music. He’s shutting out the crowd.
I’m starting to think he’s doing this for me.
Which is bananas, right? Like, how arrogant am I?
He transitions into another song. A cover, this time. Vance Joy’s “I’m with You.” It takes me until the next song to understand. He’s playing them all. The songs we’ve been sending each other all these months. He plays Led Zeppelin and Kodaline and Mt. Joy and Tom Odell and, gah, Counting Crows (where I spend the entire song gritting my teeth to keep from running onstage and licking him). He even plays a Bad Apples hit and lets Charlie take the lead for a toned-down but nevertheless stellar version of their biggest hit, “Who’s That Girl?” Phil gets in on the act, too. When Luke plays the Cure’s version of “Just Like Heaven,” Phil takes a second to dedicate it to his “lovely bride,” and my mom dies all over again.
I lean over to Meg and yell, “Can I crash at your place tonight?” over the roar of “Aww!” ringing out in the crowd at his declaration.
Playing covers seems to suit Luke. It’s less about him, so he can hide inside it. The crowd knows all the words, and their voices join his at every turn. It’s the most fun I’ve ever had at a concert, and that’s saying something. I don’t want it to end, but it has to be wrapping up soon because it’s late. I swallow hard. He hasn’t played the song yet, and I can’t help but wonder if he will.
I don’t know how to feel if he does.
Somewhere along the line, Cullen and Zack found us and are dancing and singing along with the crowd. A few times, I’ve snuck peeks at Cullen and caught him watching his twin closely. As if willing him to get through this. He can see it, too.
“He’s doing great,” I say when the crowd gets quiet, trying to reassure him just as much as myself.
Cullen nods seriously. “He’s doing brilliant. Beyond what I imagined.”
“But this is it,” I say firmly.
He looks down at me, his dark eyes holding something like approval or even affection. “This is it,” he agrees.
“Why is he doing this?”
Cullen looks around, motioning at the crowd. “He knew he could get them here.”
“But he hates this.”
“He really does,” Cullen agrees cheerfully. “Fucking can’t stand the crowds. In fact,” he says, pulling me gently by the shoulders, “maybe you should be right up front. Give him friendly support as he finishes up.”
Cullen performs his magic, and the crowds part, allowing me even closer than I was. From here, I can practically touch Luke.
“Oy!” Cullen yells, and Luke’s head jerks up, and I wave. Stupidly. Luke’s entire face smiles, his shoulders lifting as if he’s been given a new lease on life.
The lights dim, and the crowd seems to hold its collective breath, knowing this is it. This is the moment everyone has been waiting for since the second that song was leaked. A pale blue spotlight creates an eerie sort of circle around Luke and his piano, and I