flutters over as I pull out two mugs. “Sit down,” I say. “Coffee? Or juice? Maybe ginger ale? Nothing fancy, though.”
“Coffee, please,” Zack says, and he settles on a stool. Cullen sits next to him and runs his hands through his hair. I pour them both a steaming cup. Zack dives in.
“I’m such a fucking idiot,” Cullen groans.
I raise my brows to his boyfriend, who sighs heavily and explains. “Have you been online lately? It’s Luke.”
Meg pulls out her phone. “Gosh, I adore Luke,” she gushes. “He’s the sweetest, and his song is the literal best I’ve ever heard.” She looks up at us wide-eyed. “Am I allowed to say that?”
I roll my eyes. “It’s out now. Besides, you don’t love him because of his song; you were already a fan because he feeds your Shirley Temple addiction.”
Meg lifts a dainty shoulder. “Guilty as charged.” She scrolls on her phone, her eyes widening. “Holy…” she mutters.
“Exactly,” Cullen says. “Lionel Best retweeted ‘Break for You’ to his billion followers. RIP, me.”
“RIP, Luke, you mean,” I say, not even trying to hide my annoyance. “Why didn’t you guys take it down days ago?”
Cullen moans dramatically, and Zack rubs his shoulder. “Because,” Cullen says, “I’m a fucking prat who cares more about numbers than my family.”
“In your defense,” Zack says, “you didn’t really understand how adamant he was about his privacy.”
“I don’t know how,” I say. “I’ve only been hanging out with Luke a short time and know how much he hates attention. You’ve known him literally since the womb.” Cullen looks hurt, but he should have known better. Of all people, he should have known better.
“I just wanted the girl, whoever she is, to know how he felt!”
Well. My heart thuds at that.
“It’s not about anyone!” a voice says behind me, and I jump. Luke.
Cullen’s head jerks up, and he looks admittedly terrible. I almost feel bad for him, but I feel worse for Luke.
“What part of that don’t you get?” Luke says, exasperated, shoving his blond hair from his eyes. He’s holding his board and still wearing his leather jacket, so I don’t think he’s been there long. “It was only a song. It’s not about anyone. It was never meant to be heard. It’s none of your business!”
Everyone is quiet.
“Anyway,” Luke continues. “I was just dropping something off for Phil. Glad to see everyone got the latest update. Thanks again for cluing me in to my life, Cull.” With that, he slams the half door to the bar, and with barely a glance at me, he leaves.
Meg settles next to Cullen, rubbing small circles into his back, and Zack is clicking around on his phone, probably trying to get Luke to come back.
I take care of a few customers, a pit in my stomach. Luke’s words stabbing in my brain. It was only a song. It’s not about anyone.
It was never meant to be heard.
Except he was supposed to be writing a song for someone. Me. For the spring showcase. Which we haven’t mentioned at all since the Song was released. I’m dying to know if “Break for You” was meant for me. Every time I wonder, it seems ridiculous and presumptuous. Even in the safety of my head. We held hands, once. That’s all.
It was never meant to be heard.
Even by me? Of course even by me. It’s what he said, wasn’t it?
21
LUKE
Cullen went through this phase when we were like twelve where he lived for those Worst-Case Scenario / Would You Rather games. Like, “If you were stranded on a desert island and you hadn’t eaten in three days, and you were millimeters from death, would you rather eat a pound of squirming centipedes or a single raw squid tentacle that is still twitching?”
Neither option is great, but when the hypothetical alternative is death, you choose the one that makes you feel like puking the least. (Death, obviously. I never said I was brave.)
I feel like I’m living the live-action version of Worst-Case Scenario, titled “Absolute Worst-Case Scenario for Very Private and Introverted Luke Greenly Where There Is No Winner and Also He Will Always Lose.”
After five years, you finally start songwriting again and bam! Your first effort is found out by your brother.
Then your brother posts it on your podcast. On the internet. Which is easily accessible by the majority of the planet.
And then a major website picks up the now-viral hit!
And a major celebrity decides it’s his favorite and retweets it to a zillion people.
And those