sucked in a breath that I’d associate with someone who’d been kicked in the chest.
He swore a moment later. “How did things get this way between us?”
I gripped the top of the tallboy, staring into the mirror. “I met you. That’s how.”
Blackness crept in on my emerald eyes, and I reeled back.
“Andie?”
Oh my god. I’m a monster. “Got to go.”
Breathing hard, I gaped at the stranger in the mirror. Me. How could that be me? I tried blinking the darkness away. When that failed, I turned to the black fury inside.
Breathe, Andie.
Watching closely, I deepened my exhales, casting my mind to the forest as I so often escaped to when playing the saxophone.
My heartbeat slowed.
The pounding blood left my cheeks.
Darkness ebbed, leaving misted emerald behind.
A tear slipped over my cheek. What the fuck was I going to do? What if my eyes did this in a meeting?
I had to practice.
Focusing on that unshakeable fury, I let it out again, barring my teeth as black edged in once more.
Drawing my rage in, I forced the shadows away.
I wasn’t a Luther yet, but maybe doing this would help me control the effects.
But would my smell change when I shifted? If so, the pack would know immediately.
Maybe if Rhona could take my place in meetings… I could think of some excuse. Sascha and the other Luthers would assume that was me avoiding the mating call.
In the grids, I kept out of the fighting, away from werewolves.
To consider staying was madness, but I’d lost so much. I’d fought so hard.
I couldn’t give up now.
Becoming a monster didn’t mean I had to become one inside. I could still fight for the right side. And maybe, maybe if I could show the stewards that they were my ongoing priority, I could share my secret one day without fear.
A growl slipped from my lips, and I doubled over as pain erupted in my fingertips. I fell to my knees, crying out and clawing my hands.
Needles were trying to press from the inside out.
I panted in a heap on the floor until the stabbing agony faded. What the hell was that?
Knock, knock.
“Andie?”
It was Wade.
I didn’t answer until the door handle turned. “I’m busy right now!”
“Oh my giddy aunt, are you getting some?” came his muffled reply.
I had bigger fucking problems.
I winced as a deep ache throbbed in my teeth, around where I assumed fangs would explode into existence one day. I dashed away another tear. “Go away.”
“Are you okay?’
“Jesus, Wade. Leave me alone!”
Scrambling for the mirror, I stared in horror at the darkness looking back at me. I watched the shadow of his feet under the door and reached for my mental forest.
“Okay... Sorry to interrupt.”
The shadow disappeared, and I listened to his retreating footsteps, sinking down to the floor, dark eyes and all.
No.
This couldn’t be my fate.
I refused to let this bite and transition determine my future. I couldn’t lose everyone and everything. This place was part of me now, and no one would ever forge my path again.
Picking myself up, I made sure my eyes had returned to human norms and sat next to the window.
There was a way out of this.
I just had to find it.
“I realise it’s an irregular request,” I smiled slightly.
Nathan frowned. “That’s one word for it. It will send a message that you want to be separated from the stewards.”
Forest, forest, forest.
My teeth ached something ferocious. I could assume they wanted to sink into Nathan’s neck.
“Only if we portray it that way,” I pressed. “Cast in another light, I could just wish to experience life as they do. I could be one of them.”
Roderick hummed. “You’d be outside the protection of the manor.”
“If stewards’ houses are less secure than the manor, then that is of concern to me,” I said coolly.
Every emotion had to be cool and calm. Not white hot and furious. I couldn’t let frustration take over. Or any strong feeling.
Not now. Not ever again.
That’s when my Luther symptoms ramped up.
“You know what I mean,” he replied. “You have a larger target on your head than most. We can’t forget the attack on you in Water.”
“Tell us why again,” Pascal said in the quiet wake.
Shocked was an apt description of how they’d been since I mentioned moving out of the manor. There were two free cabins—I’d checked with Eleanor. One sat at the far outskirts of our territory.
There, I’d have a shot at hiding the truth.
I spread my hands on the table. “I’m not used to so many people