what an addict thinks. I wish I could give you the answers you want about Duchess, but I don’t think I have all of them. She loved you and she loved Gunner. On her bad days, she couldn’t see that love through the haze of self-hate.”
Tears clogged my throat, and I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “I loved her even when I wished she would just go away and never come back.” I tried to sniffle back the tears, but they fell like rain. “Now that she’s gone, I’d give anything to have her back. Even if that means she would be using, I just want her back.”
Sledge gathered me in his arms and lifted me into his lap.
“I just want her back,” I sobbed.
“Shh, sugar. It’s gonna be okay.”
I buried my face in Sledge’s shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck.
I never got the time to stop and think about Duchess dying.
The call came that she had been shot and I had to be there for Gunner. I had to be the one there for him while I didn’t have anyone to be there for me.
“I didn’t hate her,” I whispered.
Sledge held me as all of the tears I fought finally fell. Every pent up feeling and emotion just rose to the top and exploded out of me.
My tears finally stopped, and Sledge still held me.
“I told you that you can’t keep all of that pent up inside, sugar,” Sledge whispered.
I knew it. I just didn’t know how to let it out.
“You’re going to probably hate hearing this, but you and Duchess were more alike than you know. The problem with her was she turned to drugs when she couldn’t get her feelings out. They helped to numb everything.” Lynn laid the envelope she had dug out before in front of me. “I found this when I was going through Duchess’ files. When I first start working with someone, I have them write down whatever they’re feeling and what they want to actually happen.”
I stared at the envelope. “She wrote that?”
Lynn pushed it toward me. “She did, and I think you should have it. You don’t need to read it now, but when you’re having a hard day or asking yourself why for the hundredth time, I want you to open that. I think it will be exactly what you need.”
I grabbed the envelope and handed it to Sledge. “You take it.”
He tucked it in the pocket of his cut.
I sighed and scooted out of his lap and back into my chair. “Well, that was not at all that I expected to happen, but whatever.”
Lynn laughed. “Trust me, I’ve seen it all sitting in this chair. I’m just glad you have someone at home to help you work through everything. I worry about the ones who don’t have someone.”
“Did you worry about Duchess? Did you think she would ever really be clean?”
Lynn nodded sadly. “I think she had the people, you, to help her make it happen. It just seemed that her past wouldn’t let her move on.”
So much truth. None of this would have happened if Duchess wouldn’t have hooked up with Raymond Clark and then proceeded to make more bad decisions. “Ugh, I need a drink and a nap.”
Lynn pointed past me. “There’s a neat little bar just down the street. Robyn and I are on good terms. She knows how to make a killer cosmopolitan, and she’s a great listener.”
I perked up and smiled. “I met Robyn the last time we came here. Sledge plied me with Malibu Sunsets and let me beat him at pool.”
“I didn’t let you,” he growled.
“Right,” I drawled. “I don’t believe a badass biker is shit at playing pool. Pose on your bike and play pool is what you and your friends do, right?” I batted my eyes clasped my hands in front of me. “Your job.”
Lynn hooted with laughter and shook her finger at Sledge and me. “I’m telling you. I see a lot of people in and out of this office, and you two are perfect for each other. The ones who are too similar are the ones I worry about. You both keep each other on your toes.”
“See,” Sledge drawled, “not fast at all.”
I rolled my eyes and grabbed my purse off the floor. “Please don’t encourage him, Lynn. He’s already got a big enough ego the way it is.” I held out my hand to him. “Now, take me to the bar