and quiet?”
“Are you kidding?” he asked on a laugh as he stopped in front of her and drew her into his arms. Bending, he kissed the tip of her nose, and assured her, “After ten years in New York, this is heaven. No honking horns, no shouting, no crowds to try to navigate everywhere you go.” Hugging her tight, he rested his chin on her head and murmured, “Just you and peace and quiet and sunshine every day.”
“It’s rained four times in the last two weeks,” CJ pointed out with amusement, slipping her arms around his waist.
“Yeah, but then we got to read and do jigsaw puzzles and make love. I liked the making love best,” he admitted with a grin, pulling back slightly to tell her seriously, “I could live here year-round, I think, if I didn’t worry that getting daily deliveries would be a pain.”
“Oh,” CJ breathed, and then admitted, “I’m glad. I was worried you wouldn’t like it. Billy, my ex-husband, didn’t.”
“Your ex-husband was an idiot,” Mac assured her. “As proven by the fact that he let you get away.”
CJ didn’t respond; she merely leaned her head against his chest and tightened her arms, hugging him closer.
“You never talk about him,” Mac said quietly. “Did he hurt you terribly?”
CJ hesitated, and then instead of addressing that, said, “You’ve never asked me how I got HIV.”
He could have pointed out that she’d never questioned him on the subject either, but instead said, “I just assumed that you got it on the job. Maybe getting stuck by a dirty needle while you were trying to subdue a drugged-out perp or something?”
“I wish,” she said with a snort. “At least that way I’d be a wounded warrior rather than a pathetic idiot.”
Mac leaned back again, his expression full of sympathy, then he said softly, “Tell me.”
CJ wanted to refuse and tell him it didn’t matter, it was what it was. But more than that, she wanted to tell him the truth. CJ had no idea why. Normally, she didn’t want to talk about it at all. In fact, she’d gone to counseling because of it exactly once, and hadn’t been able to bring herself to talk about it, even to a therapist. But she wanted to tell Mac, and for once in her life she didn’t question the why or whether it was the smart thing to do. Instead, she pulled out of his arms, poured coffee into the two cups she’d fetched earlier, and fixed them both before pushing his toward him. Claiming her own, she then led him to the small kitchen table.
“My father, Johnathan Cummings, was the best man I’ve known in my life,” she stated quietly once they’d sat down across from each other. “I always felt loved and safe with him around. He was kind, caring, an amazing father, and he became a police officer because he wanted to make the world a better place. He was a good man. The best.”
Mac didn’t comment, but nodded encouragingly.
“I actually became a cop to honor him,” she admitted. “So maybe it isn’t surprising that I wanted to marry a man just like him.”
“Of course,” he said as if that were the most natural thing in the world.
CJ nodded. “Unfortunately, to me that meant marrying a police officer,” she said unhappily, and when his expression turned quizzical, she explained, “In my mind, I equated all of his wonderful qualities with his being a police officer. I assumed all police officers must be good men trying to better the world like him.”
“Ah,” Mac breathed with understanding.
“Yeah. It was pretty naïve of me,” she admitted. “I mean, a lot of them are like that. But not all of them, and being young and stupid, I fell for a police officer who was one of the ones who weren’t, one who was the exact opposite of my father.” CJ turned her coffee cup on the table, enjoying the heat emanating from the ceramic and warming hands that she suddenly noticed were icy cold. “William Carter, better known as Billy, was seven years older than me, good-looking, and worked undercover for the police drug squad. All the female officers were gaga after him, and the men liked him. He was really good at his job, broke up more drug rings than anyone else, and was always the life of the party.”
Her gaze flicked up to his face and back down before she admitted, “I was shocked as hell when he turned his