gut drops when I realize what I'm holding.
This is a letter to Brad from Heather. Instantly, I worry that he's still in love with her. But before I let those thoughts run away with me, I read it. Morality be damned!
Bradley,
I wish you would talk to me. I wish you would let me explain in person. I don't want your forgiveness, but I know that Colleen does. She needs it.
All I could make out from your screaming the last time we saw each other was that you can't believe what Colleen did. I was there, too, Bradley. But as usual, that's a minor detail. It's always about Colleen.
You love her and I understand that. She's in love with you, too. It's plain as day. I don't know how you can go on pretending it's not there.
That's why I can't feel too bad about what happened. You're mad about Colleen getting with your girlfriend. I should be mad about you loving her when you said you loved me. Or maybe I should just be mad at myself for believing you every time you told me you were just friends. Like I said, it's always about Colleen. I should have known better. It was obvious. I just can't believe you weren't even a little upset at seeing me with someone else; instead, you were livid with Colleen. It was like I wasn't even there.
I just wanted you to know that it's not totally her fault. I wanted her and I went after her. Maybe I wanted her because you wanted her. I'm not sure. It doesn't matter anymore.
Don't be mad at her for too long. She never would have done that sober. Sorry I hurt you,
Heather
Breathing becomes difficult and I feel my knees give way. I let myself cry for what feels like forever. But I rebound slowly and with a new purpose. I need to rectify what's happened between me and Brad. I need to show him that I can be good for him. I need to get him back. I go to walk out the door but then I remember something. I need a shirt. I neatly tuck the note back in the envelope as it was and place it at the bottom of the drawer and I pull out the shirt I'd gone looking for and throw it on. Regardless of how confused, and sure, and sad, and happy I am inside all at the same time, I soldier on because I can't hide away, avoiding my problems for ever.
CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
(Colleen)
It’s always about Colleen.
DARLA AND LINDSAY don't ask what my problem is. They just let me sniffle and stay in my daze on the way across the street. They don't comment on the t-shirt change or my red eyes, either. Lindsay seems mildly worried, but Darla seems to understand. Or she thinks she understands. Either way, she's being pretty awesome right now.
It's always about Colleen.
Heather's words play through my head again and again. Part of me wants to believe her; but the other part of me is scared to. What if she was wrong? But then, if she was wrong, why did he read that note so many times? Is it possible? Could he have been in love with me back then?
It's so obvious.
I must be the world's biggest idiot.
The moment we walk into Darla and James's house, the noise level goes through the roof. James is on the living room floor with Lilly and Alex; he has a Barbie in one hand and a toy truck in the other. I spy Fitz in James's lap, chewing on a soft block, drool coating his hand and the toy. James gives me a quiet smile and Darla leads me upstairs and into her and James's bathroom. I don't even ask why. My brain is well past questioning anything anymore. She sits me on the toilet lid and shuts the door behind her, locking it. I notice that we've lost Lindsay somewhere along the way.
"Colleen," Darla's voice is quiet but stern as she holds up a pregnancy test. I stare at it wide-eyed, about to cry. I'm clamming up and retreating to my germ-ridden, fast food littered world of an hour prior, but she won't give in.
"Yes," she says in a gentle, motherly tone. I can see that I won't be winning this one, but I decide to hold out for a little longer. She sits the test down on the counter in front of me.
Little fists bang against the