Mari's Mistake - Ruby Dixon Page 0,53

one another does not mean that things are bad between us."

"Are you kidding me?" The words choke from my throat and I clutch the blanket tighter. "Every time you touch me, it sends a 'no, bad' signal through my body. I hate that! I hate that I ever chose to turn things off. It was such a mistake and now I feel like we're both paying for it—"

"You chose that to save my life," T'chai murmurs. "How can I feel that was a mistake? You did it out of love for me. I will not forget this."

I suck in a deep, shuddering breath. "The only reason I suggest moving is because I'm tired of hurting you, T'chai. I know your cootie isn't as turned off as mine is. I know I'm the problem. And maybe if I'm not here, your cootie will pay attention to someone else. Maybe you can resonate to another—" I choke on the words. They gag me, and I press my fingers to my mouth. I don't want T'chai to touch another. He's mine, even if my khui won't recognize it. I can tell from his expression he doesn't like that idea, either. He looks as if the idea is repugnant to him.

"You think I would choose another?" He looks offended.

Licking my lips, I struggle to find the right thing to say. "I just want you to be happy—"

"I am happy," he says in a gentle voice, reaching for me. He drops his hand at the last moment, but remains near, and I ache, because I want him to touch me. I do. Or rather, I want to want it. "When I wake up and see you next to me, I am happy, Mari." He hesitates and reaches out to touch a strand of my hair, rubbing the curling end around his fingers. "When you smile, I am filled with joy. Mating is not everything in a relationship. The khui brings us together, but it does not sing all day every day. The rest of the time, it is you and I."

"But we should be able to touch," I protest. "I've robbed us of that. I've robbed us of children."

"You made a choice," he says gently. "You saved me. I cannot be mad about that. You cannot punish yourself for it. It has happened. Just like when the Great Smoking Mountain rose up and destroyed my clan, I grieved…and then I continued surviving. We can still have joy together, my mate."

"How?" I blink away tears. "How am I supposed to feel joy when I can't touch you? When I can't love you the way we were meant to?"

"Do you like my words?" T'chai's voice is a soft caress. "Do you like the things I say to you?"

"I…I don't know what you're getting at, T'chai." I stare down at his fingers, twined in my hair. The sight of it is intimate. Sweet. And because he's not touching me, it doesn't feel wrong yet.

"I still want what we have," T'chai tells me. "Even if it is broken. Even if it stays broken forever. Because half a mating with my lovely, determined Mari is better than a lifetime alone."

He steals the breath right out of my chest, this alien man. "Oh, T'chai."

"If you want to go to the other village, I will not stop you. Perhaps you should see the healer there. See if her powers are greater than V'ronca's. But I will be with you. And if it does not work, so be it. If you wish to stay, so be it. We will make a home there and we will be happy, because we will be together." He has such a fierce, determined look on his face. It's the look of someone who refuses to give up. Someone who won't give in to the sadness that seems to be choking me lately.

My heart swells with love. My T'chai, an optimist. I never knew how much I needed that. "But you're going to want more than what I can give you."

"Then we will get creative, my pretty mate." There's a wicked gleam in his eyes. "I am willing to try a great many things. Just do not give up on us."

"You really want to keep doing this?"

"Being your mate is about sharing your life. It is not just taking you into the furs and making you scream my name. It is about being there for you when you are sad. It is about making you smile. It is