Mari's Mistake - Ruby Dixon Page 0,54

about keeping you safe. It is about being happy together." He tugs lightly on my hair. "I still want all of those things with you. Nothing has changed for me, my Mari."

"I love you," I whisper. "I'm sorry if I'm making this hard on you."

"You do not make it hard on me. You feel like you are the problem. I am here to tell you that you are not." He smiles at me, his expression so sweet he makes me ache. "And if my touch does not bring you pleasure, then so be it. I have spent all day thinking of new ways to pleasure you that do not involve my touch."

I'm dumbfounded. While I've been moping and lost in my sadness, he's been trying to come up with solutions. "Like what?"

He pulls out his gloves and brandishes them. "If my skin touching your skin bothers you, then I wear these."

I let out a little giggle of surprise, some of my sadness evaporating in the face of his eagerness. "Really?"

"Really. And if that still does not work, then I will just speak of the things I would like to do to you, and watch you touch yourself." His eyes grow hot, his expression intense. "I have been thinking about that one a lot today."

He has? I look at my big, brawny mate, his sober face full of enthusiasm and hope. This is a man who would never give up on me, I realize. If our positions were reversed, he would never suggest leaving me behind so I could be happier with someone else. He takes what we have and he's happy for it.

I feel like such a jerk. I smile at him. "I don't deserve you."

"You deserve me. Just as I deserve you." He rubs my hair between his fingers, and his smile is so, so beautiful. "Our khuis decided this once. They will decide it again. Wait and see. And we will go to the other village and speak with the healer there, to see if she has more answers. Until then, we will love without touching."

Love without touching. "You make it sound so easy."

T'chai's shrug is simple. He puts on one of his gloves—more of a mitten, really—and tugs the laces around his wrist. "It is easy to me. For many turns of the seasons, I thought I would never have a mate. I lost all of my family, my friends, except for R'jaal and the brothers. I was starving. There was nothing to look forward to, except to wake up the next morning and hope that the next day would be better than the last. I lived like this for many seasons, and then one day, R'jaal brought a golden female to our beach and declared her his. But when she opened her eyes, she looked at me and claimed me for her own." He gazes at his mittened hand and then slowly, gently puts it on my thigh. "It does not matter that there are a few storms to weather, my Mari. The important thing is that we weather them together."

"I'm sorry," I tell him, and put my hand over his gloved one. Strangely enough, it does feel a little better like this. "I was trying to find a way to make it easier for you."

"Easier. Bah. Who said I wished for easier?" His thumb moves up and down on my leggings, tickling my thigh. "Do you wish to try for more with me, Mari? If you say no, I will understand. You will still hold as much of my heart as ever."

That simple statement—that quiet acceptance—makes me ache with such fierce devotion. "I'd like to try. I just don't want you to be disappointed if it sucks."

"Of course I will be disappointed." He rubs my knee with the glove in an affectionate sort of way. "But I will not blame you, if that is what you are asking."

I guess it kind of is. "It might not work." I feel the need to warn him a second time. "For a long, long time, I didn't feel anything at all. It's like my feelings were…muffled. All of them."

"Muffled?"

"You know when you hear shouting underwater? And you know someone's shouting but you can't make out what they're saying? It feels like that." My jaw works as I try not to let loose another round of self-pity-fueled tears. "It's awful."

T'chai studies me, and then reaches up to touch my cheek. Even though he's gloved, the caress feels comforting all