Mari's Mistake - Ruby Dixon Page 0,52

if it might not be easier on both me and T'chai to not be around each other.

I make a mental note to talk to Veronica later. If Tia goes to Croatoan, I probably should too.

I'm quiet as we head back to our hut, my mind on fire with all the possibilities.

I have to go to Croatoan. Not just because there's a healer there. Because if this thing between myself and T'chai can't get fixed…I'm going to move there, permanently. It'll be easier than facing him every morning and knowing that I willfully destroyed what we had. Never mind that we had no other choice. I still feel like I did something wrong. Like I betrayed him and his khui both. It'll be easier for both of us if we're not around each other, constantly faced with our problem.

Maybe that's just me trying to run away again, but I don't care. I'm so very tired and defeated at this point. I think of last night and I just want to cry. I wanted to make love to my mate. I wanted to touch him, and my cootie gave me nothing in return. Separation is the best answer.

But I know T'chai won't like hearing that, so I keep it to myself for now. I'll have to figure out how to approach it…just not yet.

"You are quiet," T'chai says as we head into our hut.

"Just thinking." I turn to him, studying his cheek. "Are you still bleeding?"

"It has closed up. Before you ask, I do not need the healer." There is a teasing look in his gaze, and it breaks my heart all over again. That stupid knot returns to my throat and I swallow hard, trying to keep from crying. He notices my expression, though, and his immediately changes. "Mari, what is wrong?"

"Everything," I whisper. I move to my furs, sinking onto them and hugging a thick pelt around my shoulders. I want to hide away, but this is about as good as I can get right now.

"Is it more than my cheek? Are you upset for T'ia?"

I shake my head and look over at him. "Her leaving will be good for the tribe. It's not that she's a bad person, she just needs to grow up a little, and Shadow Cat needs to cool off a bit. I'm sure she'll be hurt at first, but I think it'll be good for her in the long run."

"Then why do you cry?"

I lick my lips. "You know what I just said about how going to the other village will be good for her in the long run?" I hesitate, and then blurt it out to him before I can lose my courage. "She's not the only one I think it'll be good for."

Confusion is written across his face. He watches me, uncomprehending, and then reaches for my hand. "You wish for us to go to Croatoan as well? Do you want to live there?"

No, I don't want to live there, I want to say, but I keep that cry bottled up inside. Instead, I rephrase it tactfully. "I think I should live there." I glance up at him. "Just me."

T'chai recoils.

16

MARI

I feel like the worst person ever. There's blatant hurt on T'chai's face at my announcement. I knew he wouldn't like it, but I also didn't expect to feel as if I'm gutting him with my words.

"You would leave me?" he asks, and there's a rough edge to his voice that makes me ache so badly.

"It's not you," I promise him. "It's me. It's this stupid mistake I made and if I can't fix it, it might be easier for both of us if we're not together."

He stares at me. Slowly, he shakes his head. "No. I do not agree."

"What we have isn't working—"

"You did not give up on me, not even when I was at my sickest," he points out. "But you will give up on me now?"

"That's not what I'm doing!"

"You will just leave me, then? As if my hurts do not matter?"

I flinch. "I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm doing this because I want both of us to stop hurting."

He shakes his head again, then sinks down on the furs next to me. I fight the urge to scoot away, knowing now is not the time. "No, my mate. You think I will hurt less if you leave my side?" He leans in, watching me with such an intent stare. "Just because our khuis no longer sing to