while I consider that a success, I also notice that her fingers barely touch mine. We touch less and less with every day that passes. Part of me understands it…but there is a larger, more stubborn part of me that hates it. I want my mate. I want what we had before it was stolen from us.
I want that so badly that I could scream with frustration.
We head out of the camp and down to the beach, where the ice-laden water rolls in with the tide. The waves here are so different from home. The sea itself is dark and forbidding, and the creatures here are brutal and unpleasant. I imagine they must be to survive on such an unfriendly shore. They are plentiful, at least, and good eating, but I know Mari gets scared of them. I walk along the water's edge with her on my far side, protecting her in case some brave creature sends out an exploratory tentacle.
She smiles over at me, her expression soft and sweet and achingly beautiful as she pushes her dark, curling mane back behind her ears. "Are you sure you don't want to join the games? I saw one of the knives up close and it seems really nice. Hunting and sharpening your tools all the time is a pain in the ass. One of those new blades would help you a lot."
Everyone has coveted the weapons since they were dropped on the shore by M'dok's friend from the skies. The food supplies were eaten within a day or two, but the metal knives have been kept aside deliberately, as prizes in a game since there are not enough to go around. "I would like a knife, yes, but the first time it falls out of my grasp during a hunt, Shadow Cat and Strong Arm will never cease to point out that it belongs in better hands." I flex my free hand absently, feeling the pull of too-tight tendons.
She makes a sound of irritation. "Then they're assholes."
I chuckle at her staunch defense. "Tools should be in the hands of those that can use them best. I do not know if I would be happy if our positions were reversed."
Mari nudges me with her elbow. "Don't be understanding. Be mad at them. If you want a knife, you should be able to join in the games. Do you want me to talk to Raahosh?" There is an utterly fierce expression on her face, as if she would take on the entire group to defend me.
Just seeing it makes me smile. "I do not need a knife. I have everything I could want." I turn to her and reach out to brush a lock of her mane away from her face.
Mari pulls away, an apologetic smile on her face.
And as quickly as my happiness appeared, it disappears once more. I watch as she paces ahead of me, her steps brisk. She crosses her arms over her chest and stares out at the water. I am disappointed, but I am not surprised. It has been like this between us since the accident. Before, we could not keep our hands off each other. Now she pulls away from my touch. I move to her side anyhow, but this time I do not reach for her hand.
"I'm sorry," Mari says quietly. "You know it's not you. It's just…" She rubs her arms again.
"I know." But my words are sharper than I would like, edged with hurt.
We fall silent, and eventually Mari glances over at me again. "I talked to Veronica this morning. I wanted her to try again." She shakes her head. "Still nothing. Whatever she did, she can't fix it." She looks over at me and her eyes are so, so sad. "I'm sorry, T'chai."
"Do not be sorry," I tell her fiercely. "You did nothing wrong."
"She asked me, and I said yes," Mari replies with a shake of her head. "I should have said no. I should have trusted your khui to pull you through—"
I reach out and take my mate in my arms, ignoring her flinch. "My khui knows you have my heart."
"Mine doesn't," she whispers.
"Then we will convince them ourselves. If they sang for us once, they will sing for us again." I am certain we can coax them again, given time. She just needs to trust me, to trust my khui. "We just need to try." I touch her cheeks, so cold due to the chilly breeze. "Come to my furs tonight?"
She