in life was not leaving for college as planned, not telling Jamie that I was pregnant, and having the baby by myself. I had a sudden urge to tell Kurt all of this, but I bit my lip.
“I haven’t,” I said, shaking my head, trying to remain calm. “But I’d like to.”
I followed Kurt inside the main house to meet Alice, who was busy at the stove preparing dinner. The oldest two girls played on the floor with an entire bin of Littlest Pet Shop toys. I had never seen so many all at once and thought about how Mia carried around a single frog from the series. I could imagine her playing on the floor with the girls, just as I imagined laughing with Alice and drinking wine together at the table. Maybe I wasn’t just finding a new place to live, but new friends as well.
Alice called over to the girls to get cleaned up for dinner. “Would you like to join us?” she asked, gazing at me. She stood a few inches shorter than me, barely as tall as Kurt’s chest. Her brown hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, revealing ears that stuck out a bit. She looked like she’d been one of those cute girls in high school—someone I would have envied.
“Sure,” I said, smiling, trying not to let happy tears brim over my eyes. “I’m happy to meet you.” Though I sincerely was, Alice intimidated me a little. Without even knowing her, I assumed she was like the mothers at Mia’s day care who limited screen time, scheduled craft projects, limited sugary snacks, and served appropriate servings of fruit and vegetables at every meal. A mother with the privilege, time, and energy to mother well and who might judge me for not doing the same.
Alice put my plate on the table, opposite the two older daughters, who dutifully ate their carrot sticks first. Kurt offered me a beer, and I accepted. It was the same generic kind from Costco that Travis used to get, and the taste brought me right back to his house. When they asked me what I did for work, I said that I cleaned houses, but I wanted to be a writer. Kurt said he’d read a bit of my blog, which confused me for a second, but then I remembered that my email signature contained a link to it.
“I don’t know how you do it on your own,” he said, staring at me for a second too long. The look in his eyes made me squirm, and I sensed awe in his voice. From the corner of my eye, I saw Alice furrow her eyebrows and look down at her plate.
That evening, it felt like my feet weren’t touching the ground. Alice and Kurt said they had an inflatable pool and that the girls played outside most of the day in the summer. Alice worked full-time at a bank, but Kurt, a teacher, had the season off. He said Mia would be welcome to go down to the beach with them or play in their yard. They even had a fire pit where they roasted marshmallows.
By the time I got home, Alice had already emailed me to officially ask if I wanted to move in. I emailed back an enthusiastic yes. She immediately responded, saying I could start moving my stuff in anytime. Over dinner, we’d discussed the barter arrangement, which would make my cash rent a full fifty dollars cheaper than my rent at the studio.
It was mid-March. I had two weeks to move to avoid paying rent on two places. My financial aid award letter had arrived a few days before. It felt like things were falling into place—so much that I started to grow suspicious. Maybe it was too good for us. Maybe we didn’t deserve something that good.
25
THE HARDEST WORKER
When I told Pam I was moving, she understood what it meant. She didn’t fire me. I didn’t quit. We both just sort of agreed that I wouldn’t be able to work there anymore. She and Lonnie told me separately they were sad to see me go. I was their main employee, the one they could count on. That year, I’d received the highest total amount of Christmas bonuses they’d ever seen. One of my clients had recently called Pam to tell her I was irreplaceable.
I knew I was one of the hard workers, like Henry had said, but I also knew I could be