I could do it. I didn't want him worrying that I wouldn't listen to him or take his request seriously. I put my hands on top of his where they rested on my face. “I promise. I won't touch you at all.”
He exhaled. “Good.” He ran his hand over my jawline. “Hey, I’m assuming today was the first time you ever saw anyone get shot?”
“Yes,” I said, wondering where he was going with that question.
“How are you feeling about it?” he asked.
“Well, I haven’t really spent much time thinking about it.”
“You know, you might have nightmares about it. That would be pretty typical.”
“I don’t know. I’m not sad that he’s dead.” In fact, I wouldn’t mind if Christopher had died too. It might sound callous, but now that I was protecting a life besides just my own, I had far less compassion for someone who would harm me, Tyler, or our baby.
“He was your father’s associate. You knew him your entire life. Even if he was lower than scum, watching someone die suddenly is a difficult thing to process.”
“I promise if I have nightmares, I’ll let you know. I’m open to seeing a counselor anytime too.”
“Good. That’s all I wanted to say.” He kissed me on the nose. “I better go let Sadie in before she thinks we’ve replaced her.” Tyler groaned as he pushed himself into a sitting position and then heaved himself up.
I laughed. “She’ll be a good big sibling dog.”
He paused to kiss me. “She will. And you’re going to be an amazing mother. I love you.”
I crawled off the bed and kissed him back. “I love you too.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Tyler
The next day, we were sitting on the porch swing when I finally had to speak up. I needed some answers about how Ava was feeling. “We haven't talked about what we're going to do yet.”
“About?” she asked. She scooted over and lay down with her head pillowed in my lap.
I brushed my fingers through the long strands of her silky hair. “The future. I’m not prepared to only see my child in the summer or during the Christmas break.”
She tipped her head up and met my eyes. “Neither am I. That would have been more than fine with my parents. But I am not going to be that kind of mother.”
“It would not have been fine with my parents, not at all,” I said.
“I'm glad you've seen good parenting. Because I haven't.”
“I think everybody flounders at first when they’re raising a baby, no matter how good their childhood. You are going to be an amazing mother.”
“I'm glad you're confident about that.”
She underestimated how compassionate she was, and how patient, and how committed. “I am. I don't worry about your mothering at all.”
“You haven't even seen me with a child.”
“That's not true. You were great with the fire chief's daughter. And I saw the way you took care of Jenny.”
She smiled. “I still don't think those two situations necessarily apply to an infant, but I will take the compliment.”
I wasn't sure how long it would take for ava to see herself the way I saw her, or the way everyone else saw her. “Good, because it's true.”
“So neither of us wants to parent from a distance and have the baby with us part time. So what's our solution?”
First, I needed to address our relationship. I thought I had been very clear that I wanted to be with Ava, in a romantic relationship, not just a partnership of co-parents. But it didn't seem obvious to her. “I want to be with you, in a committed long-term relationship. What do you want?”
Ava leaned in closer to me. “I want that too.”
“Then that's solved.” I took a deep breath for this next part. “I'm willing to move to Chicago.”
Ava’s eyes went wide. “You are? Since when?”
“Since that's where you live. And that's where our baby will be.”
“I thought you hated the city.”
“I don't love the city, that's true. But I do love you, and I love our baby. I'm willing to put aside my own preferences. I know people there. I can get a job in private security easily, if you’d rather me not work a more dangerous job with the Chicago PD.”
She sat up and stared at me with her mouth open. “But you're the elected Sheriff here.”
“Barrett can take over for me. Or hell, anyone who wants the job can run and get elected. I love Pine Hills, but it’s not more important than our child.”
She didn’t say anything.
I