a total jerk for wanting to run away from her. And I felt like an even bigger jerk for hiding this from Tyler. But I wasn't ready to talk to anyone about this, not even him. I really liked him. I respected him and I wanted him -- every part of him, but in light of what I'd been through in the last few months, I didn't want to make a commitment to anyone.
And how could I ask anyone to make a commitment to me knowing what a target I was?
The cashier, thankfully, was with a teenage boy, and hopefully not someone who interacted with Tyler on a regular basis.
“Can I count on your discretion?” I asked him. “Don’t let anyone see these, please.”
“Okay ma’am.” I could tell that he had zero interest in my purchase. Maybe he wouldn’t even notice what the items were. A flush began to flow through my body. I glanced at the door. Was I taking too long for Tyler’s comfort? Would he come bursting through the front door and see exactly what I was buying?
What about Mrs. Smith? Would she come strolling over and catch me? She had children and grandchildren. She’d know what I was buying. And she’d tell Tyler tomorrow at the office. My forehead began to sweat. My stomach began to churn.
This was nuts. Something like this could never happen in Chicago. There were so many pharmacies, and so many people. Even when I did run into people I knew, they didn’t look into my basket.
Could I ever live in a place like this permanently? Could I trade privacy for a sense of community? Would I come to resent the scrutiny? Or was I feeling guilty because I was once again deceiving Tyler?
I pulled out my phone and texted Tyler.
Almost done.
I felt ridiculous. I was an adult woman. I shouldn’t be sneaking around to buy the stuff I needed.
I paid for my purchase with cash. “Can you throw the receipt away?” I asked the cashier.
He wadded it up and tossed it in the trash. Perfect.
Glancing behind me, I saw that Mrs. Smith was getting closer to me. I couldn’t let her catch up to me again. I turned around and waved at her. “So good to see you! Tyler’s waiting on me!” And then I got the hell out of there. I’d bring her an extra batch of cookies to make up for it.
By the time I got back in his truck, I was panting.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You look pale.”
Shit. I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. I really didn’t want him deciding I was sick and getting even more focused on my condition. The last thing I needed was him logging my symptoms and coming up with a conclusion as to what was wrong with me. Or God forbid, hauling me to the doctor.
I was certain the doctor here would follow all the ethical guidelines of not revealing any of my medical details, but I didn’t know that for sure. Things happened. People slipped up. “I’ll be fine.” I forced myself to smile at him. “I promise.”
I turned the air conditioning on full blast and aimed the vent straight at my face. By the time we were back at the farm, I was feeling much better. My breathing was normal, I wasn’t sweating, and my heart was no longer racing.
He nudged me with his elbow. “I’ll get the groceries. You go rest.”
I grabbed the bag with my secret items before he could. I leaned up on my tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for being such a gentleman.”
I swear I saw his cheeks turn pink. A ghost of a smile passed over his face. “I try,” he said. He gestured toward the house. “Go on. Go relax. Take a bath.”
I grinned to myself. He was really thoughtful sometimes. I headed straight to my room and dumped the bag out. I left the gum and the chips on the dresser, and I took the rest of the stuff into the bathroom. I opened the bottle of vitamins and winced. They smelled awful. And they were big. I put one in my mouth, and swallowed it with some tap water. Ugh. It left a bitter aftertaste.
Next I opened the most expensive pregnancy test. I read the directions three times, and then followed them exactly. In five minutes, I’d have my answer. I set a timer on my phone, and sat down to