for me. You saw the worst of it tonight, but believe it or not, I do some good occasionally. And you knew what I was when you agreed to stay.”
“I did, but seeing that… I can’t get it out of my mind. And then I thought… I couldn’t get away from that man.”
“If I could kill him again for scaring you, I would.” And yet, I’d scared Peter too, and I refused to let him go. What kind of monster did that make me?
Peter looked down at his shirt, and his eyes widened. “His blood is on me. It splattered on me when you… I don’t know if I can do this.” He was shaking, and tears shone in his eyes again.
“Let’s get in the shower. We’ll get rid of these clothes and get you all cleaned up.”
“I can’t just forget what happened.”
“Maybe I can help you forget it for a little while.”
I rose and pulled Peter up with me. “You’re going to get undressed while I start the shower. Is that clear?”
“I don’t—”
“You agreed to obey me. I’m telling you what I expect. Now do it.”
He looked confused, which was an improvement over horrified. “Why do I want this so badly?”
“You don’t just want it. You need it, and so do I.”
Peter headed to the bathroom, and I followed him, wondering if I was doing the wrong thing, and I should just pull him into my arms and hold him some more. He wasn’t the only one needing comfort right now.
21
Peter
I undressed as Lucien started the shower. The moment he’d walked into the room, I’d known I was going to give in to whatever he asked. I wanted him to hold me more than I wanted to push him away. And there was something so intense about him tonight. He wasn’t unaffected by what had happened. Even if he didn’t regret killing a man, he was distressed by the attack on his family and what had almost happened to me.
My mind screamed at me not to forget what I’d seen him do, but I pushed that warning away. Because in that moment, Lucien was right. I needed to feel clean, I needed comfort, and I needed his strength.
I stepped into the shower once it was warm. Lucien quickly undressed and joined me. I grabbed my shampoo, but he took the bottle from my hand. “Let me.”
When he began to massage my scalp, I bit back a moan. It felt so good. I leaned into his touch as he kept working the shampoo in with his strong fingers.
He turned me so I could rinse, then he began to wash my body. His hands moved over every inch of me carefully, gently. I wondered if he’d ever touched another man like this. Had any of his other lovers seen his tender side, the caring man he hid underneath coldness and malice?
And if not? What did that mean for us? I hadn’t wanted to fall for him, but when I’d thought he might die, when he stood there determined to do whatever it took to distract the man who held me, I knew I already had. If anything happened to him, I’d be devastated, not because I’d be at the mercy of Lucien’s enemies or because I would have lost my wealthy protector who gave me extravagant gifts, but because I loved the man he was inside, the one I saw in moments like this.
“Rinse yourself, then step out and dry off,” Lucien commanded.
I did as he said. When the water shut off and Lucien emerged, I allowed myself to admire the gorgeous lines of his body as he dried himself. There was so much power in him, so much strength. I wanted to press myself against him and draw some of it into me.
I watched as a water droplet slid down the side of his neck, over the ridge of his collarbone, then farther down until it caught on his nipple. Without thinking, I leaned forward and caught it with my tongue. He sucked in his breath, and when I looked up at him, I didn’t see the heat I expected in his eyes. I saw surprise along with something soft and vulnerable.
I was afraid to speak. I didn’t want to risk breaking the mood. I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling anyway, not in words he’d want to hear. I was still confused by my feelings for him, but I wanted to touch him. I had no