he’d get behind, but Dad reminded her that he’d been advanced, to begin with. Haley spent so much time playing with him that he just picked things up. Hell, when she was pregnant, she drove J.J. and I batty blasting classical music through the house. The therapist suggested we take our cues from Jakey so that’s what I did. He had just potty trained when they…d-died, and he never stopped going to the restroom on his own. He’d tug on my hand, and then go stand in the hallway until I went with him into the bathroom. I kinda built a system of communicating with him from there.”
“You’re amazing,” Creed breathed out, then pressed his lips to my forehead. That simple gesture relieved another steady stream of leaky eyes, but I could still breathe.
“I’m not amazing. Jakey is. He cried every day and had trouble sleeping, but every day he showed me in some small way what else he could handle. The first day he whispered Kuncle Wogan, after four months of not hearing it, I barely resisted the urge to celebrate and buy him a present.”
Creed chuckled, his warm breath gusting over my forehead. “I’m surprised you didn’t.”
“No, the therapist told us how important it was to acknowledge each milestone, but not to make too big a deal out of it. His emotions were already so all over the place, he didn’t want us to compound it with any sense of guilt that he’d let us down somehow. That was hardest on my mom. His not talking worries her so much.”
“Is he speaking more now?”
I sighed. “Yeah, but even that’s kind of a mixed bag. He’s only saying my name and a few other random words, but only with me. The therapist says that’s good as I’m his primary caregiver now, but I know it hurts my mom that he isn’t speaking to her.” I heard the intake of Creed’s breath, so before he spoke, I said, “I know. That’s not my problem, and she’s a big girl. My dad tells me that all the time.”
“Good.” He kissed the top of my forehead again. We sat in silence for a few minutes, then Creed said, “I wonder why he kept using the bathroom. I know from some class I had to take in college that boys tend to potty train older than girls, so I’d think that would’ve been the first thing to go seeing as he was so young anyway.”
A pain jolted through my heart. “The counselor thinks it’s because peeing was something he did with J.J. They’d go into the bathroom and J.J. would stand at the regular toilet and Jakey would stand in front of his. Haley kept water in the little tub in Jakey’s toilet just like daddy had, and J.J. would throw Cheerios in the water for both of them. Then he’d yell, aim, Jakey. We have to dunk our Cheerios. J.J. made a big production out of it, and Jakey would giggle hysterically the whole time.”
“So it made him feel closer to his father?”
I nodded. “I think so.” Silence descended, and the fatigue that always accompanied a good cry started to pull at me. In an effort to stay awake, I said, “Your coffee’s cold now. Let me go get you a fresh cup.” I tried to pull away from Creed to stand.
He held me firmly in place. “Unless you want it, I’m fine.” Like he wanted to reassure me, he sat up and took a small sip, then turned bright eyes on me. “You made it just right.”
I shrugged. “I remembered from the first night we went for coffee.” His lips twitched, and I worried I’d revealed too much, I said, “Anyway, Jakey high-fiving you caught me off guard. In a good way, mind you. Not only is he usually hesitant around strangers now, it’s not like him to touch anyone but me or my parents.”
“Ah, that makes sense.” Creed’s twitching lips became a full smile. “Well, that’s good.” Then he set his coffee down and enfolded me back into his strong arms. Creed cleared his throat. “This seems like kind of a shit thing to tell you now, but you need to get to bed, and I don’t want to leave here without you knowing something.”
My stomach fell, but I’d told myself in the kitchen that knowing his intentions was better than drifting along, so I steeled myself for whatever he had to say.
Creed huffed. “Don’t tense up. I think, well,