My words echo in the bus.
“You can hurt her a little now or more later.”
I think of her face after prom. I imagine it amplified tenfold, a hundredfold.
“She’s stronger than you think,” he goes on. “But when it comes to you, she’s weak.”
I want to grab the photos off the wall and hurl them across the bus. I wish I could dismiss his words, but I can’t. I see the truth of them every time she looks at me.
I’m older. I should know better. I owe her better.
If Jax was forcing me to leave, I’d tell him to go to hell, but he’s asking.
Jax Jamieson, the biggest musician in a generation, the man who acted like a father to me when he had no fucking reason to, is asking.
I rock back on my heels. “If I leave, she’ll think she doesn’t matter to me. That I lied to her.”
He crosses to me and lifts a fist. I don’t flinch. I’ll take whatever punishment he wants to dole out. I deserve it and more.
Instead, he grabs my shoulder in his strong grip.
Jax’s expression is clouded with the same pain ravaging my body, my soul. “Our hearts make liars of us all. I lied to her for years, and I love her more than you ever could.”
20
“You ready to sing your face off, Miss Ariel?” Pen asks when I slide into her car with my bags for opening night.
“So ready.” I bounce excitedly in my seat.
“When’s Tyler coming?”
“I’m not sure. I texted him but haven’t heard back yet.”
I didn’t notice Tyler at school today, but I didn’t have time to look for him. I was exempted from classes for final preparations for opening night.
“But I got all these candles and snuck them down to the gazebo for tonight.”
She squeals, and my stomach flips.
Between the musical and what happens after, this is going to be the best fucking night of my life.
We get to school, and I hug my friend before taking off to do my hair and makeup backstage.
After, I warm up with the rest of the cast, doing vocal exercises and some physical stretches.
I try to peek at the audience but can’t get a good look. On impulse, I hit Tyler’s number. It goes to voicemail.
“Hey, it’s me. I’m going to pretend you’re here to say break a leg or promise me cheese fries, but I can’t wait to see you tonight.” I swallow my nerves. “Thank you for helping me with this. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
I leave the phone out, face up, while I go back to the dressing room.
“Fifteen minutes!” the stage manager calls.
I go to grab my costume.
It’s not there.
I ask the other actors and the stage manager, but no one’s seen it.
Then my gaze lands on Carly.
“I think I saw it over there.” She points to the corner.
Relief has me sagging as I run to get my tail, its garment bag draped over a chair.
I hold up the plastic bag and notice red liquid running down the bottom.
“No.”
I get the tail out of the bag and open it, seeing the inside stained red.
I gingerly reach out to touch it, and it’s wet.
Panic rises up in my throat. “What did you do?”
“Me? Nothing. Jenna was drinking wine a little while ago. She must have spilled. Or maybe it’s that time of the month.”
Jenna looks toward me in shock. “That’s bullshit.”
But Carly turns and walks away.
My breath sticks in my chest. Shit.
“Ten minutes!”
“Annie!” Jenna calls me over to her dressing table. “Do you want mine?” She bites her lip, trying to hide the wince.
I find a smile. “No, but do you have your garbage bag still?”
She helps me put it on underneath my real costume. It’s still gross, but at least I can perform without being distracted by stickiness.
“Does the fabric smell?” I ask.
She sniffs near my waist. “Only up close. If you can ignore it, Carly and Kellan are the only other ones who’ll get a whiff.”
“Perfect.”
I’m not about to let this stop me.
I take my spot in the wings as the curtain rises on the first scene. I watch it before the lights go down, and I take my mark.
When the lights come up once more, I look out at the audience. I recognize Pen’s pink sweater. She’s in a row with her parents. I find my dad and Haley. I’m pretty sure there’s an empty seat next to my dad.
I try to hit all the notes and the words, but my body feels