told him immediately I was pregnant. It took me two months to get through his people and get to him.
He came to see me and told me he didn’t care. He looked me in the eyes and said it wasn’t his problem.
You weren’t his problem.
Eighteen months after you were born, a lawyer showed up with adoption paperwork.
He promised if I didn’t sign it, he’d get me fired from my job.
I hated it, but I signed it. I was afraid.
What I didn’t fully understand was the NDA, which meant I couldn’t talk about any of this or I’d be sued bankrupt.
If you want to reach out to me, I’ve included my email address and mailing address. It would mean the world to me to see you.
Love always,
Fiona
Your mother
It’s not a long letter, but my breath hitches as I struggle to get through the entire thing.
I’ve always intuited on some level that I didn’t fit in, that my dad didn’t want me, but I told myself it was bullshit.
If this is true…
It’s evidence he didn’t want me.
I pace my room, up and down the line of music boxes on the wall.
It’s me. There’s something wrong about me, something that makes it impossible to love me.
Wow, that’s heavy.
But I need to get these feelings out, replace them with something better.
If I can just get the right words, the right phrase, on my skin, it’ll remind me I can handle this.
But the words don’t come, and the emotions claw at me, scrambling to get out.
I take my notebook and a pen over to my bed, and I write.
I don’t stop.
All of it pours out.
Every line on the page is like tugging at a thread inside me, unraveling one more ball of wants and needs and fears.
My phone buzzes, making me jump. Somehow, it’s been nearly two hours.
Pen: We working on English after lunch? Jenna wants in.
I tuck the letter into the back of my notebook and set both on my desk before taking a shower, scorching away what’s left of the feelings until I’m empty.
“Have you seen Tyler today?” Haley asks when I head downstairs for breakfast at noon. “He seemed upset last night, and his bike’s gone.”
“Nope.”
I play with Sophie and study my dad as he fixes a coffee. He keeps secrets from the world, but now I wonder how much he keeps hidden from me too.
“I think you can be ungrounded,” he decides under Haley’s watchful gaze. “If you keep up your schoolwork.”
The relief isn’t as big as I’d expected, like a single brick sliding off my chest and leaving ninety-nine more.
“Freedom,” I inform Sophie solemnly, clapping. “Free-dom.”
She moves her arms, trying to clap along, and laughs at our game.
What if for a year and a half—a year older than Sophie is now—my dad knew I existed and wished I didn’t?
Before I can play that out, the doorbell rings. Pen and Jenna fall inside the moment I open it.
“So… homework and snacks?” My friend holds up a box of mini cupcakes.
Jenna wrinkles her nose. “Those will go straight to my ass.”
“Good. More for me.” Pen’s already regaling us with stories of debate team as we settle into my room.
“Ooh, what’s this?” Jenna asks, glancing at the notebook.
“Nothing.” I grab for my journal, but she’s too fast.
“Is that your poetry assignment for English?” Jenna asks as she thumbs through the pages.
The letter remains tucked in the back, but my breath is tight in my chest.
She flips through to the pages I was writing today, emptying my soul onto the page. “Whoa, these are intense.” Her gaze flicks to mine, filled with anticipation. “Tell me they’re not about Kellan.”
“No. Besides,” I go on, eager to change the subject, “isn’t he dating Carly?”
“Really?” Pen makes a face. “Scratch that. They’re perfect for each other.”
“I can’t see it lasting,” Jenna comments, surprising us. “Kellan’s obsessed with himself, and Carly has the attention span of a flea. Except when it comes to what she can’t have.”
“Well, she’s running out of time if she wants to try to steal lead in the musical.”
“You’ve got balls, I’ll give you that.” Jenna shakes her head. “You’re getting really good in rehearsal. You have some secret sauce you want to share with the rest of us?”
Tyler.
“I have nothing to lose,” I say at last, and she frowns.
“We all have something to lose.”
I hold out a hand, and after a second, Jenna passes me the notebook. I tuck it into my desk drawer. “Let’s study in the dining room.”
Jenna shrugs as we