Love Him Desperate (On the Market #5) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,82
this away because you’re having a sudden crisis of worth.”
“You know it’s not that sudden,” Raphael murmured.
Lorenzo rolled his eyes. “I know you better than that. I know you wouldn’t change yourself for the world, but you still worry about being worth the effort.”
“I just happen to know how exhausting it is to love me,” Raphael started, but Lorenzo squeezed his fingers, and he stopped.
“It isn’t. And some day in the far future, you’ll forget to worry about us getting tired of you. Right now, we’ll just keep telling you that we all want to be here in whatever way you need us. But you deserve to be happy—with the person you love, who loves you right back.”
Raphael swallowed thickly. “And if he doesn’t want to take the risk?”
“Then you move on. But don’t you think you should give him the opportunity to decide for himself before you write him off?”
Raphael knew he was right—and every excuse, every defense he’d ever built up against telling Dmitri the truth crumbled right there in his hands. “I don’t know how.”
“Yes, you do,” Lorenzo said, then slowly drew his hand away. “You probably have like four speeches in your head already prepared for the day you might be brave enough to tell him how you feel.”
And well, that wasn’t the truth—but he had fantasies. None of them included Simon’s birthday party at the Lodge with his current partner getting him food at a buffet table, and the reality of that hit him hard.
“Rian…”
“Will get over it. He’s sweet and gorgeous, and you owe it to him to tell him the truth,” Lorenzo said. “You know damn well that even if Dmitri rejects you…”
“It’s not going to be him,” Raphael said very softly, and he hated himself a little for knowingly leading Rian on. “I have to talk to him.”
“After a dance with me?”
The new voice startled Raphael, and he stared up at Leonidas, who was holding out a hand. Raphael took it, more on instinct than anything else, and he let the Greek man pull him to his feet.
“I’m not great at dancing,” he promised, and Leonidas laughed.
“Neither am I. But you’re here looking sad, and I think a little bit of a waltz might cheer you up.”
The music wasn’t for waltzing. It was some slow sort of top forty romantic thing that Raphael had paid absolutely no attention to, but Leonidas’ palm against his was soft, and his presence was comforting in the same way Lorenzo’s was. He glanced at his friend, who was rolling his eyes and taking his crutches, so Raphael allowed Leonidas to brace him as they took a spot at the very edge of the dance floor.
“This is nice,” Leonidas said, holding both arms tight around Raphael’s waist. They didn’t do much beyond sway to the music, but Raphael appreciated that Leonidas didn’t expect miracles of his body, but didn’t assume he couldn’t do this either. “I don’t get to dance often.”
“Why don’t you ask your boyfriend?” Raphael wondered.
Leonidas laughed very softly and shook his head. “I think he would—if I really wanted him to, but he enjoys being a wallflower.”
Raphael glanced around, but he didn’t see the elusively absent Motel brother anywhere. He was around more than Leonidas, but he still traveled a lot, and Raphael remembered what that was like with Chiara. Strangers exhausted him, and being home was always a soft landing, but the long weeks after he preferred the solitude of their little flat.
“Is there something I can do to help?” Leonidas asked after a beat.
Raphael shook his head. “Personal crisis.”
“I’m no stranger to those,” Leonidas urged, and Raphael pulled back, seeing the honesty and faint touch of humor in his eyes. “I’ve had my fair share.”
“What did you do about it?”
“I walked to Spain,” he said simply, and at that, Raphael laughed.
“I could try, but I’d probably fail on that one.”
Leonidas huffed and spun them a little as the song changed to something just slightly more upbeat. “It doesn’t have to be a physical journey. It was something I had been planning most of my life, and when it was done, the only thing I could see on the horizon was Andy. And the mistakes I made with him.”
And well, that hit a little too close to his heart. Close enough he winced, and Leonidas held him just a bit tighter. “I think I’ve been on the journey.”