Love Him Desperate (On the Market #5) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,83

His dragged on the floor, the worn edges of his shoes scuffing the polished wood with black slashes. It was funny how often he left a mark, no matter where he went, simply because he couldn’t lift his feet up off the ground. And yet, he still felt invisible where it mattered most.

The pain wasn’t necessarily that he’d been pushing Dmitri away or that he had kept himself apart. It was that Dmitri hadn’t seen him—hadn’t seen the love he’d so poorly concealed from everyone else. And if he had seen, maybe he had ignored it to spare Raphael’s feelings.

“Should I let you go?” Leonidas asked.

Raphael wanted to say no, to steal another moment where someone else was holding him up, but he knew it wasn’t fair. He squeezed Leonidas’ shoulders, then took a careful step back. “I think so.”

“Lorenzo left your crutches behind you. With your boyfriend.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut, because Raphael knew what had to come next. He’d turn his head and see Rian watching him—and maybe he’d be smiling. And maybe he’d be a little jealous because Raphael had told him he didn’t want to dance before. But maybe he’d just understand, because that’s the kind of person he was. And god, he deserved better.

“Thank you,” Raphael said, and he stepped back again, until his hip touched a chair. He took it and then turned to see Rian watching him with hooded eyes, and he braced himself against the words he had to speak. “We should go somewhere to talk.”

Rian’s gaze darted to the food on the plates—mostly vegetables, some meat, and a single cake he knew was from Wilder’s bakery that had been prepared by Dmitri specifically for him. “Um. Yeah, I guess so.”

Raphael picked up his crutches and started out ahead, and he didn’t need to look back to know that Rian was following him.

Raphael appreciated that Rian hung back far enough he was able to lead them out of the conference room. He took a right, choosing the darkened hallway where no one was likely to be hanging out, because he didn’t want an audience for the moment he was going to hurt this man who didn’t deserve it.

His palms started to sweat on his crutch handles, and the stress was making his legs spasm a little, so each step was harder than the next. He managed to find a dark corner, and he braced himself against the wall as Rian walked up with his hands in his pockets. Raphael eased his grip on the foam covers of his crutches to help soften the ache in his knuckles, and he found he was just coward enough not to look him in the eye as he stopped.

“Is this the it’s not you, it’s me talk?” Rian asked.

“Is that talk ever allowed to be the truth?” Raphael countered, because in this case, it was.

Rian let out a little sigh and leaned his shoulder against the side of the wall. “Is it Leonidas?”

For a moment, Raphael wanted to let that lie be the truth. “It’s not about anyone else.”

Rian scoffed. “You don’t let me hold you. I’ve kissed you less than a handful of times. We’ve slept in the same bed, but you’ve never let yourself touch me more than you have to. And you told me you were in love with someone else.” Rian stepped closer, his hand out like he wanted to touch, but he curled his fingers instead and pulled them back. “I can still be patient. I just want to know who I’m competing against.”

“It’s not Leonidas,” Raphael said, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. He was so sure Rian would know—it was obvious, but maybe for all his patience, Rian hadn’t paid close enough attention. And that in itself was telling. “But you deserve someone who doesn’t make you compete, Rian.”

“I know I do. I just wanted to do it right, you know? To earn love and happiness.”

At that, Raphael bristled just a little. “I’m not a task.”

“That’s not…”

“It is and it isn’t. This isn’t the first time I’ve been used by someone to prove something, and I don’t think you’re doing it on purpose. You have guilt about your ex, and maybe you should—and maybe not. I don’t know how it was with you two. But I think if we stop and take a good look at what we have…”

Rian bowed his head as Raphael trailed off and let out a shuddering