Love Him Desperate (On the Market #5) - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,81
sight of people standing there madly in love was just too gutting right then. He wasn’t going to run, he just needed a moment—just a second to breathe. It would be all right, eventually. He just knew it wouldn’t be right then.
Chapter Fifteen
Raphael’s stomach sank down to his feet, and he pulled away from Rian slightly, frowning in the direction Dmitri had run off. “That was weird, right?”
Lorenzo let out a small sigh and shook his head. “Has he talked to you much lately?”
Shaking his head, Raphael tried to remember the last time he and Dmitri had spent any real time together, but it had been weeks. For a second, he thought about blaming Dmitri’s work and school schedule, but in reality, he knew it was mostly him. Dmitri had reached out in those early days, and Raphael had brushed him off. Their lunches and late-night dinners had dwindled to nothing, and Raphael’s texts had been one or two words at most.
He’d fucked up. That much was obvious. In his attempt to move on, he’d pushed Dmitri away, and that was the last thing in the world he wanted. “I should go talk to him.”
“I think,” Lorenzo said, “we should get some food and let him have a moment.”
“Why don’t I grab plates,” Rian offered, and while Raphael would have normally been annoyed at the offer, right then he was grateful for it.
“Thank you. You know what to choose?”
“I think so,” Rian said with a grin, and smudged a kiss to his cheek.
He wandered off, and Raphael followed Lorenzo to a cluster of tables near the window that had been mostly abandoned. He set his crutches against the glass, then sank back with a groan and refused to meet his friend’s eyes, because he knew what he would see.
“How long have you been in love with Dmitri?”
Raphael’s stomach twisted. He knew he’d never been great at keeping secrets, but he had tried his damndest to be quiet about it. Still, it was Lorenzo asking, point blank, and he couldn’t evade or lie. “I don’t know. I think I liked him the moment our friendship started. It was slow. Sneaky,” he added, finally looking up.
He didn’t see pity in Lorenzo’s eyes, or judgment, but there was sympathy. “Have you told him?”
Raphael shook his head. “What’s the point?”
“To give him the chance to tell you how he feels.” When Raphael opened his mouth, Lorenzo held up a hand. “He’s in love with you. Ridiculously, obscenely. Like he might love you more than I love Wilder.”
Raphael was shaking his head before Lorenzo was done speaking. “Aber das kann gar nicht sein! I know he loves me, but never that way.”
Lorenzo leaned his elbow on the table and lifted a brow at him. “Why not?”
“Because.” The rest of his defense crumbled to ash on his tongue, and he tried to swallow back the lump in his throat, but it wasn’t possible.
The truth was—he knew. He’d been ignoring it for a year, but something deep down knew, and he’d been absolutely petrified, because if he gave in, if he allowed it, it would end. Like every single one of the people who had loved him before, Dmitri would eventually stop. He would leave, and Raphael wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to recover from that.
“You’re afraid,” Lorenzo said with a faint sigh.
“He’s so young. I’m this old, sorry little man with no future to give him. What can I offer? My horrible little house or my pathetic salary? The promise that being tied to me will only get harder?”
“You think he doesn’t know those things about you?” Lorenzo asked with a laugh.
“And loves me in spite of them,” Raphael offered bitterly.
“Loves you as you are, because Dmitri has never been that kind of person.” Lorenzo folded his hands on the table and glanced over at the buffet where Rian was chatting with Brad and filling a couple of plates. “Does Rian know?”
“Yes,” Raphael breathed out. “Sort of. He doesn’t know it’s Dmitri, but we’re going slow because I wasn’t ready.”
“Because it wasn’t right,” Lorenzo said. He reached over and seized Raphael’s hand, pressing a rough kiss to his wrist. “I love you. Like stupid amounts of love you. You probably saved my life in a lot of ways, and you were one of the few people who loved me even when I was a disgusting mess. You helped me find room in myself to let Wilder in. And I’m not going to let you throw