Love-Blocked – Charity Parkerson Page 0,36
break my heart for something I didn’t do.”
Kirill flinched at the harshness in Derreck’s tone. He looked at Jett, hoping for a softer fall. Instead, Jett gave him a sharp nod. “What he said. I love you. If you plan to leave me, I want to hear what I did to deserve it. Not what fucking Zach did. The son of a bitch already called me fat. Don’t break my heart for him.”
Kirill looked between them. He didn’t know what to say. In all the time he had been with Tim and Zach, they had never exchanged I love yous. After they were over, Kirill had recognized all the signs he had missed. He had felt like a fool. Still did. Jett and Derreck were right, though. He shouldn’t punish them for someone else’s sins, especially since Derreck and Jett claimed they loved him. No one else had ever given him that.
“I want to watch that web show with you.” Damn. Kirill hated the neediness in his voice. He was being ridiculous. They would always have memories that didn’t include him. Inside jokes he would always be on the outside of, because they had known each other longer. Kirill immediately backpedaled. “Never mind. Ignore that. I shouldn’t be jealous of the time you were together without me.”
Derreck kissed his forehead. “Stop. We would love to share our love of ridiculous shows with you.”
Jett nodded. “Also, I think we should just throw out the rest of the boxes Derreck brought over without unpacking them.”
Now Kirill felt really dumb. “No. Seriously. I’m just being extra sensitive or whatever. I really loved the collar and I’m sure there’re more fun things waiting to tempt me in those boxes.”
Jett sat up and dropped his gaze. He stared at his hands as he twisted his fingers in his lap. “I know that neither of you really understands, but I need to throw those boxes away.” Krill’s throat hurt as he watched Jett physically struggle with whatever they couldn’t see. “Just like I haven’t been able to bring myself to go to Derreck’s place, I can’t handle those boxes being in my apartment.” His chest expanded as he took a deep breath. Jett’s chin lifted. Kirill’s breath left his lungs in a whoosh. Jett’s eyes were filled with tears and he looked ready to break. “I loved last night. I don’t want either of you to think differently.” Jett looked between them, as if pleading with them to understand. “But when I woke up this morning, those boxes were sitting there just taunting me with things I don’t want to remember.” He focused on Derreck. “When I disappeared from your life, I was completely broken. It was rock bottom for me. I either had to let Bay get me help or kill myself. Things were too dark inside me.”
Kirill fought a wave of tears that threatened to spill over his lashes. He swore he physically felt Jett’s pain.
Jett sniffed and took an audible breath. He looked between them. “I don’t know if it’s PTSD like my counselor claims I have, or some sort of fucked up pain association, but I feel sick at the thought of opening any more of those boxes. This new me is better. I have to hang on to it.”
“Derreck and I will throw them away,” Kirill said without having to think about it. He had to act. Kirill couldn’t let Jett keep ripping his own heart out just to explain himself to them. “You don’t even have to look at them again. We’ll take care of it.”
“Damn right,” Derreck said, backing him up.
A smile small hovered on Jett’s lips as Jett swiped at his cheeks. “I love you both so much. I’m sorry you fell for such a mess.”
Derreck snorted. “That’s bullshit.”
Kirill still felt the need to act. He had to fix everything. That was who he was. Plus, he needed to share the good thoughts he had been having before the dark thoughts had won, taking him away. “I want to buy us a house.” Jett and Derreck looked his way. Certainty solidified inside him at their shocked expressions. He gave them a sharp nod. “It’s time for me to sell this place and give up this town. Unless you two would like to live here,” Kirill rushed to add. “Otherwise, let’s sell it and buy a place together in Vegas.”
“Really?” Jett sounded so hopeful. “I’d prefer to stay in Vegas, because I love my job. But are you really