though, I felt helpless, unable to figure out what more I could do for my child. Add to it, I hadn’t called Sarah’s father that afternoon to get information on figuring out in-network therapists in Winchester, meaning I also hadn’t scheduled that appointment.
The day had been far too emotional and I’d put off everything else.
And now, all I could think was that I was the world’s worst mother.
Finally, I got out of bed, pulling on a thin robe before going to the utility room at the back of the house to light up a cigarette. Late at night, especially when it was cold out, I allowed myself to smoke inside—but this was the only room where I did.
I was also holding my cell phone, staring at it. The time was a quarter after ten.
Not too late.
So I sent a quick text. Hey, are you free?
Then I sucked down the smoke, feeling some of my anxiety beginning to dissipate. If Justin didn’t answer, I’d try going to sleep again after finishing the cigarette.
But I’d almost finished it and had no response from the text I’d sent—meaning my friend was likely already occupied. Just as I was ready to completely give up, though, he responded with a simple Yeah.
That was all the confirmation I needed to call.
“Hey, Rascal. You know I’m always free for you. What’s up?”
I didn’t actually want to tell him anything. Instead, I wanted him to distract me from the incessant thinking. “Today was pretty rough.” I paused, because I wasn’t sure how to word my request. After all, Justin would be at my place tomorrow night—but I needed him now. “I, um…wondered if you’d mind coming over tonight to talk.”
“Well, uh…”
I knew immediately from his response that I shouldn’t have called. “Never mind. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Hold on a sec. Don’t get your panties in a bunch, darlin’. I just need to finish up what I’m doing here. I’ll be there, okay? Just give me a little bit.”
It was then that I let out the breath I didn’t even know I’d been holding in. “Okay.” Deep down, I wondered what it was he had to finish up—but I didn’t actually want to know. Instead, I was grateful that he was coming to rescue me from my brain.
Although it seemed like hours while I waited, smoking several cigarettes in that small room, it was actually less than thirty minutes before he arrived. When he got there, he sent a text like he always did instead of ringing the doorbell for my kids’ sake. I rushed to the front of the house, opening the door as I felt a strange and overwhelming onslaught of emotions welling in my chest. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to see you. Thank you so much.” Before Justin could even make it through the door, I wrapped my arms around him tightly.
“Whoa. What’s goin’ on?”
“Too much.”
He followed me in and we sat on the sofa.
His voice was appropriately soft, considering my house was small and the hallway leading to the bedrooms seemed to act like a megaphone. “Well, do you wanna tell me about it?”
I looked at Justin, really looked. Damn, I had it bad for this man. His warm brown eyes searched mine as I tried to focus.
Could I tell him anything?
“Sarah set a fire in the girls’ bathroom trash this afternoon.”
“Shit. That’s the kind of stuff I did in high school.”
Wait a second. What? “It’s not cool and it’s not funny. Something’s going on with her.”
“Aw, Randi, she’s just a kid. Kids do shit like that. It gets attention.”
“It’s not just shit like that. And it’s negative attention. She was suspended.”
“Suspended?”
“Yeah.” Maybe this was a bad idea, asking Justin to come over. Unfortunately, he was one of the few friends I had.
“For how long?”
“The rest of the week.”
After a few moments of silence, he rested his hand on my knee. “You gonna be okay?”
Letting out a long sigh, I said, “I think so.” Then I looked in his eyes. “It’s just been a rough day.”
“I can tell.”
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, so I couldn’t go to sleep.”
“That’s why I came. You can tell me all about it.”
That was one of the things I loved about this man. Unlike any of my past relationships, Justin actually listened when I had things on my mind.
Tonight, though, I wanted to get this shit out of my head—just for now, just long enough to go to sleep.