didn’t respond right away. Finally, though, she said, “No.”
It wasn’t reassuring.
“Honey, do you know you can tell me anything? Anything?” I paused, looking down at my child’s face, but her eyes were glued to her jeans. “What happened today that made you light the fire?”
At first, Sarah shrugged, pulling away from me before wiping her nose on the sleeve of her sweatshirt, but she looked at me before she began talking. “I don’t know. Some eighth graders were looking at me funny when they were walking down the hall, and they were laughing. It made me mad. They’re snotty girls who think they own the school, and that’s their bathroom. I thought it might teach them a lesson.”
Ah, finally. Confirmation. Not that I wanted it, but it felt like we were getting somewhere. “Are you sure they were laughing at you?” Sarah nodded emphatically. “I get why you would be upset, but that’s not the way to deal with things, honey. You could have burned the whole school down.” Up to that point, Sarah had been maintaining eye contact, but now she looked back down at her jeans. Before speaking again, I made sure my voice was soft and gentle. “You could have even been in trouble with the law. Fortunately, Mr. Cooper thought three days’ suspension would be enough punishment.”
That was a lie. While he hadn’t said anything, I didn’t know for certain that they weren’t going to do more—that was merely a hope. More than that, though, how a suspension was a punishment for Sarah I couldn’t quite understand. As near as I could tell, she didn’t want to be at school, so she was getting what she wanted—meaning this was actually turning out to be a punishment for me.
I grew angry with myself for even thinking that. After all, my child was suffering. Now was not the time to feel sorry for myself. I could work out the details of her not attending school later, so I cleared my head once more while I waited for my child’s response.
“I didn’t think about that.”
“Mr. Cooper thinks that maybe we need some counseling.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like a therapist. Someone you, or all of us together, can talk to. Someone who can help us with our problems, tell us ways we can handle them.”
“No one can help me.”
Oh, God. I touched Sarah’s chin. “That’s not true, sweetheart.” Pulling her back into my arms, I struggled with what I wanted to say, because I wasn’t sure how to say it. “We’re going to do it for a while. If you don’t think it’s helping after you give it a fair shot, then we’ll stop. Deal?”
“I guess.”
After holding her in silence for a while, I said, “Sweetheart, it’s time to pick up Devon, okay?” When I stood, she did as well, and I felt a little relief. While I really hadn’t done or learned anything, I felt like we’d made it over a hurdle.
My next task would be to call her dad—but that would have to wait.
Soon, we were in the van waiting for Devon. When my son bounded out of the elementary school, he smiled, making his dimples pop out. Unlike Sarah and me, Devon had light hair, a dirty-blond color that was changing to light brown the older he grew—but his eyes were green like his dad’s, and he had a smattering of freckles on his cheeks like I had at his age. He was looking around, trying to spot Sarah, no doubt, so I got out of the van and waved, calling his name.
Before we got in the van, he asked, “Why are you here, mom?” Then he hugged me around the waist, reminding me I still had one kid willing to do that.
I wasn’t about to tell him all that had transpired that afternoon. “I had to pick Sarah up from school today.” To throw him off the scent as well as to lighten the overall mood, I said, “Why don’t we go out for a piece of pie and something to drink?”
Devon’s eyes grew wide. “Before dinner?”
“Yes, before dinner. We’re going to break the rules today. How’s that sound, Sarah?”
Sarah shrugged her left shoulder and didn’t make eye contact, but she did say, “Okay.”
That she wasn’t completely sour and seemed open gave me hope.
* * *
The kids had been in bed for an hour or two but here I lay in mine unable to sleep. Over and over, I replayed the day’s events in my mind. Worse,