when … when will you come? And Gertie?’ The Cheapside job was finished; Freddie had told her so just last week. Had Edward taken on another job?
‘It’s all arranged. I spoke with your mother just before I came to meet you.’
She exhaled with relief as her heart sang and burst with sunshine. Finally, Ma would be proud of her. She tried to imagine him stooped in the front room, folded into their only sitting chair while her mother stood opposite smelling of sour brew, her tight puckered mouth stretching into an involuntary smile. How Essie wished she’d been present when Edward had asked Ma for her hand in marriage.
‘You leave for Boston next Wednesday with the late tide.’
‘But …’ She didn’t want to start their new life—this adventure—alone. And why must she leave so soon?
‘What about Gertie?’ she asked, suddenly agitated. ‘I can’t leave her behind …’
She pictured Edward in his Mayfair flat as he straddled her body. He had leaned low and lost himself in her breasts, cupping them with both hands and kissing them all over, groaning. Tickling her nipples with his tongue before sliding down to her stomach and—
Her face burned as her body thrummed with desire.
Nice girls shouldn’t think such things. But she’d never forget the sweet, sticky tenderness as they had lain together afterwards, her head on his chest and him stroking her arm as he promised that one day they would be together.
Essie looked again at the steamer ticket, at the diamond ring in her palm. ‘But where will we have the wedding? And when?’ A tiny part of her was giddy at the thought of Ma seeing her eldest daughter walk up the aisle and wed this fine young man.
‘The ring—it’s not for that; it’s for the child.’
Essie leaned against the lamp-post to steady herself as her breath shortened. ‘You’re … you’re not coming to Boston with me?’ She took a step back, confused. As she gripped the ring it suddenly felt like ice.
‘My parents, they’d never … they’d cut me off.’ He was looking at his shoes now, unable to meet her eye. ‘From the business … everything … I’m sorry.’
‘But what about Greenwich? You said you came looking for me! And the afternoons in Hyde Park and … and in your apartment. What happened between us was special. I felt it. You did too, surely if you explained to them—’
‘I’ve tried,’ he said softly. ‘I’m sorry, Essie, but they’ve made it quite clear: if I marry you, then I lose everything.’
‘We could move to Boston, no-one knows us there.’
He shook his head. ‘That wouldn’t work; people do know me in Boston.’
‘Somewhere else then. Anywhere …’ She was begging now.
‘I’d be cut off,’ he repeated. ‘Left with nothing. Do you understand?’ Essie stiffened and dropped her hands to her side. She did understand how awful it was to have nothing. Edward had only to look at her—and poor skinny Freddie—and see exactly what his life would look like if he were to cut himself off from his wealthy family. And he wasn’t prepared to make that sacrifice.
She covered her face with her hands. Her chest tightened and she found it hard to breathe. It had turned out just like Ma had said it would. Her shame and humiliation stung far more than the bitter wind lashing her ankles and cheeks.
‘You’ll be able to get a good price for the ring …’ Edward’s voice hardened a fraction. ‘Enough to start afresh.’ Essie could tell by his tone that he was still trying to convince himself, as much as Essie. He spoke in a clipped voice—as if he were in one of the talking pictures they’d seen on the silver screen, not warm flesh and blood standing in the evening drizzle.
‘I’m sorry, Essie,’ he said again. ‘I shouldn’t have made promises I was in no position to keep. My family’s name would be disgraced if this—’ he waved at her stomach ‘—were ever found out. It’s for the best that you leave London. To avoid any, er, confusion …’ His neck was flushed above his crisp collar. ‘It’s best to make a proper break.’
She was just another one of his jobs that needed finishing off. She blinked away the tears that were starting to form and gulped down the sobs that lodged in her throat like a stone that couldn’t be swallowed.
If she spoke, Essie knew, she might vomit all over his shiny new shoes. A part of her wanted to.
Edward glanced back over