conversation for a moment longer. She was appalled, but also truly shocked to discover that her compatriots were not averse to getting information in any way necessary. She understood that this was a matter of life and death, and the defeat of Washington’s army could spell the end of the rebellion, but she simply couldn’t bring herself to entertain the idea of offering herself to Major Radcliffe.
Having returned to the house, Jocelyn retreated to her room, tore off her gown and hose, and lay on the bed in her shift, the linen sticking to her flushed skin. Would it be as easy as Richard had suggested to begin an affair? Jocelyn closed her eyes and tried to imagine kissing Hector Radcliffe. She’d been kissed a few times, but that was the extent of her sexual experience. There were always actresses who took lovers from among their admirers and often relied on their financial support, but Jocelyn had always made her own way, dubious that a permanent relationship could ever be possible.
But it was. Sometimes. Anna Reid had met her partner in just such a way. Carole had been married then and had come to the theater with her husband, Dr. Ford, but the two women had struck up a friendship after Carole had come to see Anna again, on her own this time. They had begun an intimate relationship after Dr. Ford passed away three years ago. Until then, Jocelyn hadn’t even known such an arrangement was possible, but Anna and Carole seemed happy, and loved each other as much as any married couple of Jocelyn’s acquaintance. Of course, they didn’t publicize their romance and allowed everyone to believe that they were simply housemates, sharing lodgings to save on cost and have a bit of company.
Would I feel differently if I were no longer a virgin? Jocelyn asked herself as she fanned herself with a newspaper, stirring the heavy air with little result. Would it no longer matter? It was impossible to know how she might feel if she were widowed or had chosen to indulge in a premarital affair, but the very idea of Major Radcliffe touching her as a lover was utterly bizarre. He was a nice man, educated and polite, but despite his good looks, she wasn’t attracted to him in the least.
She then considered Captain Denning. Richard was right, the captain was a handsome man, but he frightened her. She could envision the captain in battle: sword drawn, teeth bared, not a trace of fear in his eyes as he charged the enemy. She couldn’t see him losing a fight. Nor could she imagine him being tender with a woman. He’d be demanding in bed, her gut instinct told her. He needed a woman who’d be prepared to match his desire and wouldn’t be frightened by his intensity.
Strange how some men exuded that kind of sexual power, Jocelyn thought. She could easily visualize the captain in a state of undress, but the major may as well have been born in his uniform. It was hard to countenance that there was a man’s body beneath the smart uniform, or a man’s needs masked by the aristocratic façade.
Jocelyn curled into a ball. She’d shared a house with several men for months, but her thoughts had never strayed beyond her daily duties and her true purpose. But now she couldn’t help but think of them as men, sexual beings who might see her as something more than an efficient servant. She knew Captain Denning did, but she hadn’t given his invitation any serious thought. He was an enemy soldier. But perhaps she shouldn’t have dismissed his interest so quickly. She would never do what Richard had suggested, but perhaps she could have supper with the man and learn all she could. Would he be careless enough to share anything with her? Jocelyn tried to picture him in civilian clothes, but it proved harder than she’d thought. His uniform was as much a part of him as his ambition. She didn’t know much of the inner workings of men’s minds, but she did know Captain Denning planned to go far.
Chapter 54
The following morning, having made up her mind to try harder, Jocelyn smiled brightly at the captain when she brought him breakfast. “Lovely day,” she said, even though it was just as hot as it had been the day before, and possibly even more humid.
“Eh, yes,” he agreed, obviously taken by surprise. Jocelyn was never one to initiate conversation with