let Ben down somehow, had disappointed his hopes. She’d have to tread even more carefully now that he’d made his feelings clear.
Chapter 20
Having seen Alice safely home, Ben made a dash for the barn to make sure the animals weren’t spooked by the storm. The cows hardly seemed to notice, but the horses were restless, snorting and neighing miserably. Ace, in particular, hated storms and was pawing at the floor with his front leg, breathing hard and shivering as if terrified. He’d bolt given half a chance and would probably knock himself silly if he tried to headbutt the door. Ben entered the stall and laid a hand on Ace’s neck, talking to him softly until the horse began to calm down, its nostrils no longer flaring or its eyes rolling in fear.
“There you go,” Ben said softly, almost murmuring. “Nothing to fear. Just a bit of weather. Not nearly as bad as that last one.”
Ben finally left the horse and settled himself on a bale of hay. He knew he should go inside, change into dry clothes, and join the family for supper, but he needed a few minutes to himself. The thunder crashed outside, and flashes of lightning lit up the sky, suffusing the barn in an unnatural glow before growing dark again. Ben leaned against the wall and exhaled deeply, suddenly tired, his mind reliving the moment he’d seen Alice running toward the waves, her hair flying in the wind as it tore at her shawl. She’d looked wild, like a witch running from a mob. What had she been screaming? He wished he’d heard, but her words had been lost on the wind. Had she been calling for her dead love? Had she meant to join him?
Gut-wrenching pity bloomed in Ben’s chest, nearly stealing his breath. He could understand how she felt. He’d been so angry and lost after Kira’s death, so despondent. The loss of one person could make all the difference, change one’s life irrevocably, mercilessly. Alice must have had someone special in her life. She was so lovely, her manner so pleasant and demure. There had to have been a man, and he was either dead or searching for her, probably in all the wrong places.
Ben had felt a fool, running across the fields as the wind picked up and the first rumbles of thunder echoed across the darkening horizon, but he didn’t care. He’d wanted to save her, again, if only from getting drenched. He’d wanted to envelop Alice in his arms and hold her tight, to promise her she’d never be alone, and he’d given in to the urge, doing exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time. He’d wanted to assure her that he’d never question her about her past, even if she managed to recall it. He’d never reproach her, never be unkind, but Alice wasn’t ready to hear anything he had to say. She couldn’t look to the future until she clearly saw her past. As usual, he’d rushed things and made a fool of himself, and now he’d have to wait and hope that he hadn’t put her off permanently with his ill-timed promises and earnest declarations.
“What’s the matter with you?” Derek’s voice came to him on the wind as his brother walked into the barn, his hair dripping, his coat soaking wet.
“Nothing. What are you doing here?”
“Came to check on Ace. You know how he fears thunder and lightning. I take it you’re here for the same reason.”
“Ace is fine. I talked him down.”
“So, why are you sitting here looking glum?” Derek asked, his tone softening.
“I was just thinking about Alice.”
“What about her?” Derek removed his coat and hung it on a nail protruding from a beam, then sat down next to Ben and shook out his hair, spraying water like a dog.
“She walked down to the shore. I think she meant to do away with herself.”
“What? What makes you think that?” Derek asked, clearly alarmed.
“I saw her, Derek. She was running toward the water, this odd look on her face. And just before that, she’d been shouting something. She looked wild, unhinged.”
“That doesn’t mean she wants to die.”
“Maybe she does. She’s all alone in the world.”
Derek turned to face Ben, who was staring straight ahead. “Look at me,” Derek said forcefully.
Ben reluctantly turned to face his brother. “What?”
“Ben, don’t get ideas. I know you want to help, but Alice is not yours for the taking. There are people out there who care for her. She