Tobias. My life, my call. It's over."
He crossed the room to stand next to me, his hand gripping my arm. "No."
I pulled out of his grip and felt the first pang of fear and regret since I'd made the decision. "Stop it. You're only making this harder."
"Goddamn right," he said. "You're not committing suicide by Davina. We can still win this."
I laughed outright at that. "No, we can't. I'm done. Betty almost died last night, so did Millie, and why? Because I thought I could take her on. I can't."
"They got hurt because they're part of this fight, because they chose to be. People get hurt, you can't prevent that. But if you go and give yourself to Davina now, then you make it all meaningless."
"And if I don't? People die. We got lucky last night. No one died." Yet, a black voice whispered in my head. "But if I keep up this ridiculous fight, they will. And who's next? Stacy? Cain? You?" I shook my head, my entire body recoiling at the thought. "No. I have the power to stop all this, and I'm doing what needs to be done. As soon as the sun sets, I'm going to her."
He gripped my shoulders and pulled me to him. "No."
"Go, Tobias."
"No."
"I can't do this if you're here."
"Good."
"Tobias ... please." I felt a tear slip down my cheek, and I could see the response to my pain in his face, and suddenly, I knew.
"You love me," I said, my voice quiet with wonder.
He put his hands on my face. "Yes."
"I love you, too."
"Then stop talking like this," he said. "Let's think of something else."
I angled my head, kissed the inside of his palm, and pulled his hands into my own. "There is nothing else. I have to do this, and I need you to go." I reached up and touched his face, the sandpaper scruff tickling my palm. I breathed in the earthy scent of him, and remembered the taste of his skin. For the first time in my life, I understood why my mother had been the way she had been. I didn't need to imagine what it felt like to leave someone you loved and who loved you back. At least I wouldn't have to live with it for too long, the way she did.
Tobias, however, would. But there was nothing I could do about that.
"I'm asking you to go," I said. "I'm asking you, please. For me."
He didn't say anything, just kept his eyes on mine. I leaned into him, kissing him lightly on the lips, and he pulled me tighter against him. We stood together like that for a long time, and then, without a sound, he was gone, and I was alone in my room. At first, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of me, and it was too painful to even cry.
And then, slowly, all feeling receded, and I was back to the mild numbness I would need to hold onto if I was going to get through this. I exhaled a long, low breath, and turned to go toward my porch roof again.
I was halfway through the window when I noticed something flat, square, and a little charred at the edges laying on the edge of my desk. I reached for it, and it took me a moment to realize what it was.
The magic square.
I leaned against the desk, angling it in my hands to play with the sunlight streaming through my window. Tobias must have gone and gotten it for me while I'd been sleeping this morning. Of course, he would know the one thing that would mean more to me than anything else in that place; my magic square, my beautiful illusion.
I crawled out of the window and settled on the porch, then held it in my hands, allowing the energy to build up. I concentrated it, letting it flow into the square, which began to curl in on itself, the sparkly part forming the outside of the blue bird. By the time it was done, it looked and moved like an actual bluebird, its glittery wings flapping in the air as it flew in little loopy circles by my head. I laughed - a hollow, pained laugh, but still a laugh - as I noticed it sending little shards of light onto my skin like a disco ball.
And that's when it hit me, the spark of an idea. I dismissed it at first, but as I watched the