at five-thirty the next morning. A dull predawn glow made his windows visible in the dark, but just barely, and I stared at them for a while, thinking.
Then I forced myself out of bed and traipsed quietly into the living room. I slid my shoes on then walked over to where Tobias lay lightly snoring on the couch. I sat down on the leather trunk and watched him for a moment, musing over the fact that he even smiled when he slept. I reached out and touched the hair at the base of his forehead, shifting it gently aside. A small, unconscious smile graced his lips and my heart constricted. He was beautiful, and I loved him, and I was beginning to suspect that he loved me, too, but he was also at that moment the least of my problems.
Ten minutes later, I was at Betty's apartment above CCB's, knocking on the door, filled with cold determination and an atypical clarity. She pulled the door open, wide awake in her fluffy red robe. Her hair was matted against one side of her head and there were pillowcase creases on her cheek.
"I love you, Livvy," she said, pulling me inside, "but it's the butt crack of dawn. Someone better be dead or on fire."
I shut the door behind me with a quiet click as she shuffled into the little kitchenette. "Do you have an empty coffee mug I can borrow?"
"An empty coffee mug?" She stared at me for a moment. "That couldn't wait until a reasonable hour?"
I shook my head. She watched me for a moment, then shrugged and got a red ceramic mug out of the cabinet and handed it to me. "This had better be good, or I'm going to have to kill you with my bare hands. And I'm old. That could take awhile."
"Is this special?" I asked. "Any sentimental value or ... anything?"
She shook her head. "I got them six for ten dollars on clearance. I'm pretty sure they've got lead in them."
"Okay." I pulled it in toward my chest and closed my eyes, then opened them. "You might want to stand back. Just in case it breaks or something."
Betty stepped a few paces back. I closed my eyes and hugged the mug to me, concentrating on the tingling in my hands. I felt the energy intensify a bit and I tried to focus it into the mug. I imagined it turning into a furry, cute, harmless squirrel and for a moment, I thought I felt something like burning in my palms, but when I opened my eyes and held it out in front of me, it was still a mug.
"You can keep it if you like it that much," she said.
"No. I'm just ... I'm trying something, and I need you to see it. I need someone I know and trust to check me on this, and since all of my other relationships are kind of a mess at the moment ... that's you."
She put her hand over her heart and gave a wide, ironic smile. "I'm the only one left, so I get woken up at the butt crack of dawn? I'm touched."
I felt tears come to my eyes, but I blinked them away. "You'll still love me even if I'm crazy or dying of a brain tumor or carrying some kind of alien mutant virus, right?" I still hadn't quite worked out all my theories.
Betty's irony faded, leaving a slightly worried expression in its wake. "Alien mutant virus?"
"You'll understand it better once you've seen it." I swallowed back the weird swell of emotion and tried to concentrate on the task at hand. "I just need you to stand there and watch me. Don't take your eyes off the mug, okay, in case it doesn't last too long. Can you do that?"
Betty released a breath, seeming even more nervous than I was. "Absolutely."
"Okay." I took a deep breath and looked at the mug, unsure of what to do now. What was different from the other times?
Intensity.
Okay, then. I closed my eyes and thought of Tobias. I thought about the first time we'd met, working a busy Tuesday night together, instantly in sync as if we'd been working together for years. I thought about how he'd smiled at me the night before while making waffles. The tingling ran up my arms, intensifying. I clutched the mug to my chest and thought of what it would be like to kiss him, to make love with him, and