it was buried under my rage. This was nothing but a joyride to him; he didn’t care how it turned out. All he’d done since we’d arrived in Vegas was play on my computer and waste my time.
When we pulled up at the motel, I stole a glance at Ripley. His jaw was tight, his eyes downcast. I knew I should say something, but the blood pumping through my temples was deafening, and it was all I could do to suppress the urge to slap his face.
I looked away, feeling my chest growing heavier. This was my fault. As hard as I’d tried to hide my crazy, I hadn’t even lasted two days. I had driven Liam away, and now I’d alienated the only real friend I had.
I wished he had never come to Phoenix. I wished we had never met in real life.
Without looking at me, Ripley held out my phone. I wanted to say I’m sorry, to say this was just how I was sometimes, to say this wasn’t really me. Only it was.
I took the phone, got out of the car, and left him in the passenger seat with the motor still running.
CHAPTER 23
DAD STOOD UP THE INSTANT I walked through the door.
“Where were you?” His tone was equal parts rage and relief.
“I’m fine, Dad, thanks for asking. Ripley and I just went for a drive.” My face was still hot.
“You didn’t call; you didn’t leave a note. I thought something had happened to you.”
“I’m not a baby. I can go for coffee without getting mugged.”
“You can’t just walk out like that. You need to tell me where you’re going.”
My hands trembled as I tried to steady my voice.
“I’ve lived in a box with you my whole life, Dad. I’m not a pet. I need air. I need space. I need you off my back.”
“We can talk about that. But let me be clear.” He took a slow breath through his nose. “You are not to go out again without my express permission. I’m still the adult here, and you are still just sixteen years old.”
“Okay, you’re the adult?” I clenched both fists. “I get us money. I do the shopping. I book the gigs—I find the goddamn props! What do you do? You say no to everything and get in the way. You treat me like an employee. I don’t work for you, Dad, okay? I’m not your fucking assistant. I’m not Mom!”
On the last word, my voice broke, and Dad’s face went white. He put a hand to his mouth and sat down hard on the bed.
“Oh God.” I rushed to him. “Are you okay? Is it your heart?”
My own heart had seized up.
Dad gasped, shook his head. “I’m okay. I just—I lost my breath for a second.”
I covered my face in my hands and slid down the side of the bed to the floor. My shoulders hitched. My breath caught.
Dad was next to me in a heartbeat, putting his arm around me.
“It’s all right,” he said. “Shh. You’ve been without medication too long, Ellie. It hasn’t had time to build up in your system yet. That’s what this is. That’s all this is.”
“It’s not,” I said between gasps. “I fuck everything up. The RV. Your career. My friends.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I am like her, Dad!” Now I was shrieking, hysterical. “And I’m going to end up like she did! I know it!”
He shook me by the shoulders. “Don’t you ever say that!”
His eyes welled up. He let go of me and slumped back against the bed. The two of us sat there for a long, quiet moment.
Finally, he spoke. “Did I ever tell you I waited tables in college?”
I cocked my head. “You did?”
“I was miserable. But I got free meals and went home with cash in my pocket.” He scrubbed a finger across his mustache. “Today, I came full circle. I applied at the Denny’s on Las Vegas Boulevard.”
I stared at him.
“And at Guitar Center, and at a pawnshop on Charleston.”
Unable to form words, I could only shake my head.
“I used to think that taking a day job meant giving up on my dreams. Betraying my true calling. Throwing away everything I’d worked so hard for.” He swallowed hard. “But the truth is, I’ve been lucky all these years to make a living doing something I love. Many talented people never get that chance.” His eyes grew dull. “In any case, my time seems to have come to an end.” He smiled,