perhaps, with this woman, he would have the courage to grasp that freedom. She nodded. ‘I’m pleased for you. I want you to be happy.’
‘I think I’m safe this time, Mum,’ he said.
But she knew he was wrong. Nobody was ever safe.
The early years in Hobart with Jack just after she’d fallen pregnant with Jan had been difficult times. She and Jack were unhappy, both missing Bruny, both struggling to adjust to their new urban life. While Jack exhausted himself working long days in the factory, she was confined by morning sickness. When apple season came and the house filled with the aroma of stewing fruit again, the rich smells made her ill. Nauseous and miserable, her life seemed unbearably heavy.
Despite Mary’s gloominess, her mother was delighted to have the young couple in the house. To celebrate their marriage and the pregnancy, her mother wanted to buy material to make new bed sheets for them. It seemed an indulgence to Mary, but her mother insisted, so they went to the haberdashery store to select the fabric. Mary was still in the early stages of pregnancy and had not begun to show, so an outing was socially acceptable.
They must have spent twenty minutes in the shop while her mother pondered over fabric, rubbing samples between her fingers to make sure the quality was right. In the musty store, Mary’s morning sickness had surged, and she went outside into the wet Hobart morning to get some air.
Sheltered beneath the shop awning, she stared down the street at the grey bodies hurrying up the pavement with heads bowed to dodge the raindrops. Some were shielded by umbrellas, while others stooped beneath dark coats or held newspapers over their heads. Far down the street, she noticed a man coming towards her. He was tall and slim, walking fast. She watched his progress up the footpath until he lifted a hand to brush wet hair from his face and the gesture turned her heart to stone. It was Adam. She knew his walk, even though she hadn’t seen him for years. And then he saw her too.
Just then her mother swept out of the shop, hooked elbows with her and swung her up the street in the other direction. Her mother moved with such speed that Mary wondered if she had seen Adam walking up the hill. After all those years of careful planning, her parents wouldn’t want to risk her seeing him again, despite the fact she was now safely married.
When they arrived back at the house, she was feeling weak. The rapid march uphill in the cold air had taxed her. Her mother sat her in a chair by the fire, gave her a cup of tea and insisted she take a nap. Mary complied so she wouldn’t arouse her mother’s suspicion, but she lay on the bed in a flutter, wondering how she could escape to find Adam.
After what she deemed to be an acceptable amount of time for a rest, Mary emerged from her room. She forced herself to remain calm, ironing clothes, drinking tea and chatting with her mother for more than an hour. By then, the rain had stopped and the day had subsided to a dull grey. Mary finally persuaded her mother that she was well enough to go for a walk. Moving slowly and striving to suppress the panic in her chest, she collected her coat, hat and scarf and stepped out into the chill afternoon.
Just as she’d known he’d be, Adam was in the park, sitting on a bench, wet and bedraggled. He looked up as she walked to meet him, his eyes haunted and sad, and her throat clenched. After all these years, she still connected with him. She remembered the shape of his jaw and the line of his cheek, but his face was harder and somehow less hopeful than the boy she’d first met. Tiny broken veins tracked across his reddened cheeks, and his posture sagged with a heaviness that had not been there before.
Automatically, they headed to the top corner of the park, erasing the years in twenty seconds. They walked side by side, and between them there yawned an ocean of unshared life. Mary longed to reach for his hand, but she restrained herself. She had a ring on her finger now and a baby growing inside her. Time had altered her circumstances and there was no going back.
At the top of the park they sat down together. Mary was tense