the cottage where her uncle and aunt had lived. Years ago the two properties had been amalgamated into a larger farm; Jack’s family home had been pulled down and her uncle’s cottage had been renovated. These days it was let out to tourists looking for a ‘taste’ of Bruny Island. The old barn had gone too. Not surprising, given the years and the weather that had passed since then.
‘Stop here,’ she said. They were just near the gate.
‘What is it?’ Leon seemed interested now in spite of himself.
‘This is where I used to live.’ She pointed to the cottage. ‘Jack’s family lived next door. But the old house is gone.’
‘Does it make you feel sad coming back?’
She shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. I do feel very nostalgic. We had some good times here. The farm was a haven for us.’
Leon kept the vehicle idling on the verge and it seemed to be vibrating with the rhythm of life—accelerating backwards through seasons and years.
‘We came here on our holiday breaks from the lighthouse,’ she said.
‘Why here?’ Leon asked. ‘Why didn’t you get further away? Like up to Bicheno, or across to Victoria. Somewhere different.’
‘Jack didn’t earn much and our time off was short. Sometimes we stayed with my parents in Hobart. But mostly we came here.’
She looked once again at the cottage. Of course, for some years Rose had still been lurking around the Mason farm. Time had not altered Mary’s opinion of Rose, so during their stays, Mary ensured her family did not often cross paths with Rose. Her sister-in-law was still studiously glamorous and annoyingly self-focused, and Mary had little time for her. However, visiting the farm was always good for Jack. On the property and out of the wind, he seemed able to relax. They had passed their limited leisure time in simple ways: fishing down at Cloudy Bay, picnics on the mountain, sharing fish and chips from the Lunawanna store. When they were here, Mary saw glimpses of the man Jack used to be. He smiled more often; sometimes he talked, played games with the children: chess, Monopoly. All the things he never did at the lighthouse. In bed, they snuggled close. No sex, but he tucked his arms around her and she felt his breath in her hair. Remembered how to love him again.
Tears welled in her eyes and she waved Leon on.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked.
‘I’ll be all right,’ she said.
Just before Lunawanna they turned off on the Adventure Bay road, climbing into forest and slowing as the gravel deteriorated to potholes. This was the route Leon drove each day to and from Cloudy Bay. As it zigzagged up, the trees became taller and straighter with dense thickets of blanket leaf and mountain correa crowded round the trunks. The higher they went, the wetter the road became, and tree crowns rose in narrow spires with mist clinging to their tops.
‘Could we stop near the old mill?’ Mary said. ‘I want to get out and smell the air.’ Another item on her list.
Leon stopped at the pullout near the old Clennett’s Mill site. ‘Why here?’ he asked. ‘It’s just a few old bits of metal buried in the bush.’
‘This is where Jack’s brother used to work when it was a functioning mill. We came up here sometimes. I want to remember.’
He offered to help her out, and she swung her legs around. But she was weak and he had to hold her arm to stop her from sliding to the ground. Shuffling away from him, she tried to wrap distance around herself, opaque as a cloud. She wanted to stand in this place and remember the past. Underfoot were straps of wet bark and the air was thick with the tangy aroma of mint and eucalypt leaves.
Forty, fifty years ago, when Frank cut timber up here, the trees were enormous old giants with huge trunks. Now they were spindles. These days the forest was turned over too quickly. Sawlogs had given way to woodchips and the forest was not the same, no matter what the foresters said about the trees growing back. But it was still beautiful and she breathed it all in, trying to ignore the cough brewing in her lungs.
In the treetops, wind shuffled the leaves. Fog-drip spattered her head and mist touched her cheeks with wet fingers. If she closed her eyes she could make the years dissolve. She could merge with the timeless grandeur of the forests and be here again with Jack.