She looked at me. “There’s my angel. My baby angel.”
Mom lifted her left hand and bit at the foil wrapper on a piece of chocolate. She carefully ripped the wrapper down and then popped the chocolate into her mouth. She crumbled up the foil wrapper and flicked it into the hole in the wall.
“What are you doing?” I asked her.
“Fixing the wall,” she said. “I’ll fill it up and you’ll never know what he did to it.”
I was sick and tired of seeing holes in the walls.
I was sick and tired of everything.
“Come, sit down,” I said to her.
I touched Mom’s arm and she swung.
The vodka bottle hit me in the jaw with a clunk sound that echoed deep in my head.
I fell back and saw stars for a few seconds.
Mom dropped the vodka bottle and jumped at me.
She grabbed my shoulders. “What have I done?”
My eyes were wide.
Her breath was like chocolate fire. The mix of chocolate and vodka would haunt my memories for life.
“You’re drunk,” I whispered.
“You’re heartbroken.”
“Why do you stay with him?”
“We love each other.”
“No, you don’t. Don’t be afraid of him. We can leave together.”
Mom stepped back and slapped me across the face. “Don’t ever talk about my husband like that!”
I touched my cheek and watched as Mom tried to crouch and get the tipped over vodka bottle. She ended up collapsing to the floor. She reached with her right hand and put it into the small puddle of vodka. She slid forward and hit her head on the floor.
She rolled to her back and just stayed there.
“Amelia,” she said. “Come watch the stars with me.”
I looked around the house. I didn’t have much of a choice. I had nobody else but her at that moment.
So, I slowly moved to the floor next to Mom.
The ceiling was an ugly white popcorn kind of ceiling.
Those were the stars.
She pointed. “I see the Big Dipper.”
“Me too, Mom,” I whispered.
She reached for my hand and squeezed it. “Fly, baby, fly. Now tell me a story. You haven’t told me something new in a long time.”
I swallowed hard. “Okay. I have a new one I’m working on…”
I didn’t. I was lying. I had to think of something really quick.
“It takes place after a war,” I whispered. “Where houses and castles were destroyed. But there were survivors. Those who could rise up and rebuild everything…”
“I love it already,” Mom said in a croaky voice.
I turned my head and looked to the front door.
A tear slid down my cheek.
There was so much to cry for.
But I just wanted to know why Josh didn’t love me.
Chapter 39
What We Can’t Let Go
THEN
(Josh)
I ran up over the mountain with my heart slamming against the inside of my chest. I had punched a tree a few times, that did nothing but bust up my knuckles.
I couldn’t get the image of Amelia trying to kiss me out of my mind. She wasn’t drunk either. Not after one or two sips of booze. That was a real thing. She really wanted to kiss me. All those lies I had been telling the guys about her… they could have come true.
But as her sweet, little lips came toward me, I realized what would have happened.
No matter what, she would have been hurt. My life was a mess. Things about my life she never knew. My father. Delaney. Gram. Everything.
Amelia saw me as this mysterious protector. That was fine. But I wasn’t that at all. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to do more than just kiss her. But there was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. Nowhere to live.
She had to go home and face her hell. She would escape that hell some day because she was the strongest girl I’d ever met. She was stronger than me. That was for sure.
The thoughts beat me up so badly until I caught up with Nash as he took the last hit off a joint. The smoke danced around his head and his eyes were a mess.
“Where’s Murph?” I asked.
“He’s got Derrick. It’s bad.”
“Bad? Did he stab him?”
Nash started to laugh. “You’d better go check it out.”
“Fuck,” I said.
They were all at this shitty abandoned house that was used by everyone. And I mean everyone. The house was used for sleep, drugs, sex, you name it… the cops were forever running through pushing people away. They would arrest a few here and there, but mostly it was